2.04.2013

How can I trust again?


I've had a very painful past with my father leaving our family for another woman when I was just a little girl.  Because of that, I have a very hard time trusting people and feeling secure.  I recently started seeing someone.  He has given me no reason not to trust him, but I can't help but wonder when he's going to leave or when will he want someone else.  And I hurt his feelings by feeling this way.  He understands my past, but is still hurt.  How do I stop having trust issues when he has been nothing but trustworthy?

This was probably one of the most heart-breaking questions I received this last week.  'Trust' is such a big part of life and I've never been in any sort of situation to experience such betrayal and pain as this girl had.

I sat here, staring at my laptop, for a good ten minutes, wondering just how I was going to reply to this.  Because I seriously had no idea how to say everything I was thinking.  And if what I was thinking was even a good answer.  I feel inadequate to be answering such a deep, painful question.

To the girl who submitted this question:
Thank you for trusting me enough to ask it.  I know it's a painful part of your life, and I feel touched that you would ask me my advice on it.
Sweetie, even if your father hurt your family by leaving - and continues to hurt you by ignoring your letters and phone calls - your Heavenly Father will never leave you.  I know it's hard to try to grasp the concept of the Creator of the universe being there for you, but it's something that none of us will really understand how and why.  But it's a promise that He gives us in His word.  'I will never leave you or forsake you'.  The boyfriend you have in your life right now sounds like someone special.  It sounds like you think a lot of him and that he has become a prominent person in your life.  But if you're still struggling with trust issues, it may be wise to back away from him for a little while.  If he understands your past and has given you no reason to not trust him, then he must respect and care for you a great deal - and will gladly do whatever you feel is best for you at this time.  For you to 'stop having trust issues' isn't an overnight thing.  It takes a lot of time, patience and love from the people around you.  If your boyfriend is still hurt with your difficulty on trusting him (even though he knows about your father), that's not YOUR fault.  If he's a good guy, he'll give you the space and time you need.
My biggest suggestion and advice is that you strive to grow closer to God right now.  Seek God's will for your life.  Trust HIM with your life.  He loves you more than any man ever could.  And He cares for you more than your father or boyfriend ever will.  If you still feel insecure about who to trust and if someone you grow close to will soon just decide they don't like you anymore and not want to be around you, you need to bury yourself even more in God's Word.  You will discover people like this.  People will come and go.  It's a part of life.  It's a part of growing up.  But I promise you that the ache and pain of betrayal and denial won't be as sharp if you remember that God is within arm's length from you.
Stay grounded in His Word.  Stay focused on Him.  Rejoice in His love for you.  Trust that He will never leave you...

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'Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and of good courage!  Be not afraid, neither be dismayed.  For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.'
- Joshua 1:9

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'And they that know Your Name will put their trust in You; for You, LORD, have not forsaken them that seek You.'
- Psalm 9:10

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7 comments:

  1. Raquel, This is probably a God thing that made that girl write/e-mail you and for you blogging about it, because the same exact thing happened to me. The stories are the same. I have just recently forgiven my dad for what he did and this post helped SO MUCH. I really enjoy all of your posts and LOVE your blog.

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  2. That WAS a tough question. I think you answered it really well though :) Somehow it all makes sense when the answer to all our problems is God. Sierra
    Keep growing beautiful!

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  3. I think you did a lovely job of answering her question, Raquel. It's so beautiful to see God using you to help other girls out there! <3

    hugs,
    ~bree

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  4. Raquel,

    you did a great job answering the girl's question! I so enjoy reading all your blog posts. :)

    Love,
    manda
    http://meandjesus-amanda.blogspot.com

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  5. Oh wow . . . would you let that young woman know I'm praying for her?

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  6. you should know that when i read this post, i cried because i had the same exact experience that that girl has had. i mean, my biological dad didn't leave my mom for another woman, he left out of pride. but i am soo blessed with a wonderful stepfather now who loves Jesus and i love him lots, but still. i have not experienced the healing that i need soo badly from my past. but i hope and pray that this freedom and healing will come soon! hugs to the girl who's name i don't know and thanks raquel :)

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  7. Nice post! :)

    I'm hosting my 100 followers giveaway if you want to enter!
    http://www.alifeworthliving-katherine.blogspot.com/2013/02/my-100-followers-giveaway.html

    ReplyDelete

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