**Be advised that this is not appropriate for all ages. If you are under eighteen, please ask your parents before proceeding past this sentence.**
Sex is all around us. In movies, in books, in music, in conversations, and in our minds. Everyone wants to have sex. (If you didn’t have any to desire to have sex, I would question whether you’re a human or not.) But not everyone is willing to wait to have the right kind of sex. What do I mean by ‘the right kind’? Well, sex was intended to only be enjoyed between a man and woman who are married. But society seems to think differently.
I’m 18 years old, I’ve never had sex, and I don’t plan to till my wedding night. Does this make me old-fashioned? Maybe. Does it make me crazy? To some people, yes. Is something wrong with me? Well, no. This is just the standard that I’ve gathered from verses like:
‘Marriage is to be held in honor above all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.’
- Hebrews 13:4
‘Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from god, and that you are not your own?’
- 1 Corinthians 6:18-19
‘Beloved, I urge you as strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.’
- 1 Peter 2:11
But more than basing my view on Bible verses, I’m going to borrow a statement from my friend Jordan Kranda in which he says:
‘My main reason [for waiting till marriage to have sex] actually isn’t rooted in a Bible verse, but instead it’s rooted in a Biblical concept: faithfulness.’
Faithfulness is the foundation for why I have chosen to abstain from having sex. Refusing to give my body away is an act of faithfulness towards my future husband.
‘What if you never get married, though?’ you may be asking.
Well then I will have lived a pure life, obeying God’s commands.
Another principle I would add to faithfulness is commitment. These are two main points in a marriage. Mark 10:6-9 talks about how a man and woman who enter the union of marriage are no longer two, but one flesh. And how a man must forsake all others and ‘cleave’ (or ‘hold fast’) only to his wife. This joining of a husband to his wife is a permanent covenant, orchestrated by God.
I love what Mary Kassian has to say about this:
‘The physical act of union between [a husband and wife’s] bodies’ consummates their emotional and spiritual intimacy. The Old Testament expression for sexual intercourse is that a man ‘knows’ his wife. Sexual intercourse equals knowing. Covenant love is all about ‘knowing someone’. It’s communion of the most intimate kind. It’s the deepest love that is humanly possible.’
Sexual purity takes self-control. It requires that we don’t mindlessly follow our sexual passions, like people who don’t know God. The LORD wants us to control our sexual impulses. He created sex. He created our desire for it. But to abstain from giving in to these passions before the time is right, is hard, yes. And He knew it would be. He gave us His Holy Spirit - the Spirit of power, love and self-control - to help us discipline ourselves in keeping control over our bodies and sexual desires in a holy and honorable way (2 Timothy 1:7).
I’ve had a lot of people tell me that confining physical intimacy to marriage will decrease the pleasure of sex. But I believe that quite the contrary is true. (And I know quite a few married couples who have confirmed this.) Narrowing the boundary to the God-given design increases the power, passion and pleasure of sex. It ‘allows’ sex to be everything God created it to be. In the long run, boundary creates beauty.
And God delights in sex so much that He devoted an entire book of the Bible to it (Song of Solomon). God wants Christians to experience fabulous sex. He is supportive of good sex because He created that intimacy between a man and woman.
'The LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'
- Genesis 2:18