Initiation and conquering

I’ve had numerous people ask me my opinion on how relationships should begin.  Should the guy initiate it or is it okay if the girl asks the guy out?  Should the girl just not do anything until the guy approaches her about taking their friendship a step further?

Well obviously, my answer would vary due to the couple.  Every person is different, every couple is different, and every relationship is different.  What matters most is that the feeling of attraction and desire to be IN a relationship is mutual.

I’m a firm believer in the man being the leader - whether in a relationship, marriage, home, church, etc.  This doesn’t mean the woman doesn’t have any say in anything.  Far from it!  But men were created as the leader, provider, protector.  Women were meant to submit, encourage and nurture.  And these roles can be played out in any area of life.  When it comes to a friendship-wishing-to-move-on-into-a-relationship, I believe the man and the woman both have their given roles.  While the man should have the confidence in approaching the girl he likes and letting her know his feelings, he shouldn’t do it just on a whim.  He should be friends with her first.  Study her.  Learn her likes and dislikes.  Watch how she acts - around family, friends, and how her relationship is with the LORD.  Judging from that, he should know whether to pursue something more serious.  

One of the greatest risks a man will ever take is asking a girl on a date and/or to be his girlfriend.  To us girls, it might seem like a simple task.  Just ask and accept the answer.  Well, guys really do hate rejection.  It’s a bit of a bruising to their male ego.  We may not think much of a simple answer as ‘yes’ or ‘no’, but to them a ‘no’ is a red check mark on their list of successes.  BUT, there’s a pretty simple way to get about this.  I’m not saying it’s easy.  I’ve just noticed that this has worked quite well in future scenarios.  

If a guy and girl are friends (good enough friends to know that he wants to pursue her in a more serious relationship), he should have an idea of if he would get rejected or not.  And this is where the girl has to keep an eye open.  If a guy likes you, he will make advances.  He will be extra sweet, he will do special things for you, he will pay attention, he will dote, he will flirt, he will make every effort to be near you, he will talk to you (a lot).  Basically, he will go out of his way for you.  Or at least, he should.  (Take notes, guys!)  If/When he does this, and we are interested in him as well, it’s our duty to...what?  Encourage.  These are little words or actions that are green lights to the guys to encourage them that ‘Yes, I will accept your advances’ or ‘Yes, I will flirt with you’.

Every relationship is a two-way street.  You take a little and you give a little.  But the most important aspect of any relationship is to keep it God-centered and God-honoring.  If your friendship with a guy/girl you like, isn’t focused on pushing the other person closer to the LORD, then you shouldn’t even START thinking about pursuing something more serious with them.  

Guys, dating a girl is one of the most dangerous things you will ever do.  Because you are choosing to get to know the daughter of the Creator.  Your responsibility to lead and protect her will only grow as your relationship does.  And a girl who commits herself to you, is giving you a part of her that you can hurt so very easily, but she’s trusting that you won’t.

Girls, dating a guy is one of the most trusting things you will ever do.  As girls, we are wired emotionally, and guys are good at using words to get what they want.  While in a relationship with a guy, remember that God is ultimately the one who should always be the Man at the forefront of your life.  And remember to trust Him with everything.


  1. Definitely a great tool for any guy or girl out there! Well written and and a concise viewpoint on taking the next step.

  2. THis was a great post to keep in mind for my future! THanks! :D