11.05.2014

No, We're Not Dating. Yes, We're Best Friends.


I tend to have more guy friends than girl friends.  Some people have a problem with that, but I don’t.  Honestly, most of the girls I've known just cause drama and I have enough personal things to deal with and don’t need a “friend” adding more.  Guys are fabulous.  I feel like I can be myself around them.  They don’t wear makeup, so I don’t feel like I have to.  They wear sweats and hoodies, so I feel totally comfortable being around them cuz that’s pretty much my favorite outfit ever.  They aren’t judgmental or stuck-up, and the good ones will always  l i s t e n  to me.  I’m not saying I don’t have any girl friends.  I can count my best girl friends on one hand.  The rest are just friends (ones who I’ll gladly talk to, text, hang out with, etc.) or acquaintances (ones who I’d much rather stay clear of...).

On the other hand, though, I am so blessed by the guys in my life.  The ones I am closest to, who I consider some of my best friends, are ones who I trust, respect and love being around.  Why?  Because they’re strong Christian men.  I know they are “safe” to be around.  And most importantly, they display Christian love and friendship towards me.  This is rare.  I’ve had many girls tell me how lucky I am to know such guys.  And I am.  I’m incredibly blessed by them.  One of my favorite things about my best guy friends is the fact that they’ll listen to me.  When I tell them about my day, about an achievement, about a dream.  Or even when I’m having an emotional break-down.  And when I’ve finished blubbering, they’ll tell me to suck it up, offer whatever advice they can, and tell me to move on.  It’s amazing.

But what also comes hand in hand with having opposite gender best friends?  Well, you get that lovely question.  One that a recent article I read referred to as “the golden question”.  (That article was also the one that inspired - and was the last nudge I needed - to write this one).  And what is this golden question?  Well, it can come in a few different forms:

“Do you like ____?  Cuz you two hang out a lot.”
“You guys are so cute in all your pictures together.  Are you dating?”
“So do you like him?”

Basically, “You can’t be just friends with him, Raquel.  When are you gonna start dating?”

First of all, I am really curious what determines the best friend/significant other line.  Hanging out a lot together?  Taking pictures together?  Calling each other “best friends”?  Secondly, why can’t people just accept the fact that guys and girls can be, yes, JUST friends without having romantic feelings for each other?

There have been countless times when I have had to explain to inquisitive super nosy people that no, me and (insert name of one of my guys friends) aren’t dating, aren’t interested in each other, and are just friends.  I really don’t prefer to use that term “just friends”.  It gives this air of “not that big of a deal”.  When, to me, these certain guy friends mean a heap to me.  I’ve just relented to saying it because it’s one of the only ways to get my point across to certain people sometimes.

I get really snippy when this golden question is asked of me.  And it’s because I get so frustrated that people have the mentality of: a guy and a girl cannot be best friends without dating each other.  Sure, I get the whole “you should marry your best friend” thing but who are you to assume that this particular best guy friend, at this particular time in my life is my future husband?  

I’m not saying that guys and girls who are friends will NEVER have romantic feelings for each other, that it’s impossible, that it’s stupid.  Nothing of that sort.  All I’m saying is that it IS possible for two people, a guy and a girl, to be best friends and just that.  Friends.  Good friends.  Nothing more.  And if a friendship turns into a relationship, that’s great.  Obviously you need to be friends with someone before you can think about dating them.  But don’t automatically assume that opposite gender friendships are ACTUALLY relationships.

I can honestly say that having close guy friends has been an incredible blessing in my life.  And I am very thankful for them.  So so thankful.  

I appreciate and love all my friendships - with guys and girls.  I especially love the diversity and uniqueness of each of my best friends because they each have different roles in my life, different outlooks, opinions, and personalities.  And all of these have helped and challenged me as an individual, as well as their friend.  I go to one of my guy friends for advice on this or that, and I’ll go to my girl friends when I need help or a good girly conversation.  Both are good.  Both are fun.  Both are healthy.  And both are a blessing.