11.03.2014

10 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Singles


Gonna go straight to the point here.  I’m single.  I am actually very happy being single.  But even then, it sucks when people point out my singleness.  It’s like yanking on a newly pierced earring.  It looks great, you’re happy with it, but if someone starts tugging on it, you realize just how much pain it actually took to get it there.  (And sorry to any guys reading this who can’t relate.)

Anyway, I told a bestie that I was gonna write this post, and she texted me back (literally): “It’s about time!!!”

So here goes.


1) It’s okay.  He/she is out there somewhere.
No duh.  I mean, if it’s in God’s will that I get married someday, then yeah they are.  I know that already.  Tell me something new.

2)  Keep doing what you’re doing.
Oh, I plan to.

3)  Maybe your standards are too high.
I’m sorry?  Standards need to be high nowadays.  I’m not going to end up with a no account loafer, so thanks, but I don’t think I’m gonna lower them.

4)  One day, it’ll be worth it.
Okay, I’m sure people who say this mean well, but when a single person is going through a specifically difficult time with being content and patient, this is NOT what they want to hear.  In some instances, it can be encouraging.  But in others, not so much.  I wouldn’t discourage people from saying this altogether, but when you do, be sure to use wisdom as to if it’s a good time to or not.

5)  God is gonna let you meet him/her soon.
First of all, how do you know this?  Secondly, if it’s because God “told” you, then why didn’t He just tell me?  Aren’t I the one who’s single and waiting here?  I’ve had numerous people tell me this.  “Oh just wait, Raquel.  He’s right around the corner.  You’ll meet him in the next couple of months.”  And that was two years ago.

6)  I can’t believe you’re still single.  You’re so amazing!
Gee, thanks.  Can you go tell that to some guy who you also think is amazing and maybe we can work something out? 

7)  Why are you still single?
I’m not sure if people mean this as sarcasm or as a straight-up question, but really?  I’m single because  I’m single.  I don’t ask you why you’re single, do I?  Or how you’re still married...

8)  I’m sure someone likes you!  They’re probably just too shy to say anything.  Or intimidated.
Oh that’s just super encouraging.  NOT.  Do I WANT to be told that I’m hard to approach?  Is that somehow MY fault?  No. 

9)  Just wait, be patient, be content.
Again, this CAN be encouraging to be reminded of sometimes.  But...use caution.

10)  When you’re most content, that’s when God will provide your girlfriend/boyfriend.
This isn’t a very safe thing to say.  For starters, single people can easily just be like “Okay, gotta focus on being content, gotta focus on being content”...and when they feel like they have reached that level of contentedness, then, uh, where is she/he?  So no.  Don’t learn to be content for the reward of no longer being single.  Learn to be content because it brings honor to God.  The opposite of contentment is dissatisfaction and anxiety - and both are discouraged in the Bible.

End of rant.

Comment any other should-nots that I left out, readers.

9 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for this post!! I am single I get these all the time! That and cat lady jokes. You should add those to the list!
    Love the blog!

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  2. Oh my goodness YOU SO NAILED IT. Every one of these. Like you were saying, some of them can be kind of encouraging if used at the right times, but mostly...just no. x)

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  3. ok, so maybe it's not a 'should not', but I find it fairly annoying when people (normally friends of my parents...) get all flustered and concerned over the fact that I'm not even SEEING someone, and decide to make it their business to match make.
    first off, it doesn't really involve them. wait, no, it doesn't involve them at all.
    second, they don't know the situation. Maybe I'm not ready for that, maybe God has something else in store? automatically assuming that 'you are single so therefore your purpose in life has not been fulfilled' really bothers me, as I feel like I'm being pronounced 'not good enough' on my own.

    but maybe that's just me?

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  4. I've had many people tell me #8 before. It feels more like an insult than an encouragement. I related to all of them, though, -- thanks for posting! Glad I'm not the only one!

    Sierra

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  5. I absolutely love this!! Even though I'm only 14, I still have boys saying "Why are you still single??" well umm... its because you boys are incredibly immature at this age, and my parents say so... haha. absolutely loved this post!!

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  6. This is awesome!

    Something I would add, is when people say, "even if you do end up single, it's okay. Not everyone gets married." Yes, there is truth in it. But when you are struggling in this area, it hurts and sends a message of "I can't see you getting married either".

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  7. YES! I especially hate #6 because, what, an amazing person can't be amazing by themselves?! Is single somehow degrading or less amazing?
    There are plenty of amazing (and good-looking {b/c people say 'But you're good looking' too} ) people who stay that way without ever needing to share it with a lover.
    I think of Amy Carmichael for one...

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