My Decision Regarding Sexual Purity

Courtesy photo via Pinterest

I could start this post out by talking about how I was raised in a Christian home, have been a Christian since I was 7, how I was taught from a young age that sexual purity is something special, and that God commands us to have sex only within a marriage covenant.

And those are all valid points.

But the reason I have decided to stay sexually pure until my wedding night is because of a choice and decision I made, based on my own opinions, beliefs, and studies.

I am 19 years old.  And a virgin.  I won't say that I'm always completely satisfied with this choice of mine.  Heck, God gave humans a desire for physical, sexual satisfaction and I am definitely a human.  I've never been downright scorned for 'still being a virgin' (at my ripe old age), but I have felt the condescension from a few people when I've admitted that I was waiting to have sex till I had it with my husband - on our wedding night.  

In today's culture, it's expected of kids our age to have already 'earned that right'.  Some even view having sex as 'proof that you're an adult'.  When I heard statements like this, I started becoming genuinely curious about what people gained from having sex before marriage.  I expected to find some sort of answer, such as emotional stability, self-confidence, satisfaction, or a sense of maturity.  Some have agreed to these.  But all of them have also admitted that these feelings only lasted momentarily.  And if it wasn't a girl feeling broken-hearted and used after giving herself completely to a guy she thought she was in love with, it was a guy who felt incomplete and dissatisfied with how giving his virginity away didn't give him that sense of manliness he had expected but instead made him insensitive and unfeeling.  And all of them - regardless of gender - admitted that after having had sex that first time, they craved more.  Some gave in to having multiple sex partners.  While others decided that they wanted to wait till marriage.  But having already tasted the pleasure of sex, their new commitment was hard to keep.  Even harder than it was before having had sex the first time.

Do I want to experience this or feel this way?  Definitely not.

Sex was created to be done in love between a man and a woman.  Why?  For three reasons.  Fulfillment (1 Cor. 7:1-5), to show their love for each other (just read Song of Solomon), and for making babies.  But let's focus on the love aspect of it.  Why do you think another name for sex is 'making love'?  Today, though, this act is performed so loosely by so many and the purpose has been abused.  People have sex for a variety of reasons.  Or so they say.  Loneliness and satisfaction are two of the most commonly stated ones.  The list goes on and can range anywhere from wanting to fix a relationship, security, to prove something, or revenge.  And to be completely honest, none of those are - or have been - good reasons for me to have sex before I get married.  I know that sex will be awesome and fun.  You don't have to try to convince me of that.  But why would I want to experience it with someone other than the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with?  I don't understand why people would want to do something like have sex with a random person and become emotionally connected to them, just to get out of bed the next morning having no commitment with the person they had sex with, and living their day-to-day life with no guarantee that they'd even see that person again.  Thinking back and remembering the people I know who have had sex, they're still out there - single, lonely, and hurting.  

What's the point?

(Also, I want to clarify that not everyone I know who has had sex before marriage, ended up being left on their own by their partner after having had sex.  Some have pursued a serious relationship.  Some have gotten married.  But the majority hasn't.)

I have heard comebacks from people to my view on sex-after-marriage, and some of their arguments have been ones such as, 'Well how do you know that you're sexually compatible?' or 'What if you don't like each other's bodies?'.  The whole 'don't buy a car without driving it first' mentality.  But what's wrong with that picture?  First of all, I'm not marrying a car.  Secondly, these pictures are based on the physical.  If I marry a man, I'm not marrying him for his body.  I'm marrying him for his heart and soul, and because I love him for who he is as a human being.  If he has a nice body, I mean, that's a plus too, but that's not the focus.  I sometimes feel that this world is all about accepting people for who they are INSIDE, but I look around and see people only wanting what they like on the OUTSIDE.

I'm just stating my opinion and view here, okay?  And if you are one of those people who can - or has - had sex before marriage, I'm not trying to stop you or tell you what to do.  I'm just genuinely confused how someone could.  

It's not an entirely religious thing for me, you know?  Typical homeschooled 19 year olds would be like 'Oh I'm saving myself for my future spouse because it's the right thing to do'.  And that's great.  I'm waiting (or at least trying to) because I've seen what it's like for girls to have sex with random guys (sometimes it is one they 'love'...but that's a different post) - and it's satisfying for a while, sure.  But afterwards, they're left feeling used because all the guy wanted was a one night stand. And I don't want that.  I want to protect myself from lifelong heartache.  I want to experience the bliss of marital sex with one man, and one man only.  And I love that man enough already to honor him and keep my body for his eyes and his body alone.  I'm waiting for someone who will commit to loving me - body, soul and spirit - and who won't leave me stranded and heart-broken.  I'm waiting to have sex the way God intended it to be had.

With all this being said, I'd like to point out the title of this post: My decision regarding sexual purity.  I wanted to word it just right so people don't think I'm throwing this in their faces, claiming that this is the only right way.  I'm not saying that because I'm a virgin, I'm better than people who aren't.  I'm not saying that my way is the right way.  I'm not saying that my decision is better than yours.  I just want others to know there's an option.  Rather than giving yourself over to someone for the sake of satsifaction, and to not feel alone, and all the other crap reasons I listed above, imagine how much more fulfilling sex will be when you finally do have it - with someone who you can trust won't leave you.  You can choose to wait.  


  1. Your blog post is quite possibly my favorite one so far. I like how careful you were to make sure it wasn't preachy, while still explaining how and why you came to the decision you did. Well done.

  2. Raquel, thank you so much for these words. My decision for sexual purity was not made by my parents, yes they guided me to make the decision, but ultimately I have to make that choice. It is probably my favorite posts of yours so far. :)

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. Glad you enjoyed this post.

  3. Favorite post!! I couldn't said it better myself, Miss Raquel. You've basically stated the reason why I am waiting, and put it in a biblical way; brilliant! Thank you for this post, it's was uplifting and full of wisdom for young woman who are waiting to have sex with their future husbands. Lovely, lovely lovely post :)

    1. Fabulous! Thank you so much for your comment and support.

  4. Your opinion is so fresh and unique; I've heard all this many times before but say it differently. I know it's a personal decision you've made and that really sticks out!

  5. Amazing post Raquel! Spot on! These are my exact reasons for remaining pure until I'm married. I never could understand why girls and guys can just use each other and then "See ya round the local bar sometime!" I mean does that honestly make sense to people?! Because to me it doesn't.
    And once again, great post!

    1. Thank you so much for your support, agreement and comment! It's very appreciated.