|Courtesy photo via Pinterest|
I could start this post out by talking about how I was raised in a Christian home, have been a Christian since I was 7, how I was taught from a young age that sexual purity is something special, and that God commands us to have sex only within a marriage covenant.
And those are all valid points.
But the reason I have decided to stay sexually pure until my wedding night is because of a choice and decision I made, based on my own opinions, beliefs, and studies.
I am 19 years old. And a virgin. I won't say that I'm always completely satisfied with this choice of mine. Heck, God gave humans a desire for physical, sexual satisfaction and I am definitely a human. I've never been downright scorned for 'still being a virgin' (at my ripe old age), but I have felt the condescension from a few people when I've admitted that I was waiting to have sex till I had it with my husband - on our wedding night.
In today's culture, it's expected of kids our age to have already 'earned that right'. Some even view having sex as 'proof that you're an adult'. When I heard statements like this, I started becoming genuinely curious about what people gained from having sex before marriage. I expected to find some sort of answer, such as emotional stability, self-confidence, satisfaction, or a sense of maturity. Some have agreed to these. But all of them have also admitted that these feelings only lasted momentarily. And if it wasn't a girl feeling broken-hearted and used after giving herself completely to a guy she thought she was in love with, it was a guy who felt incomplete and dissatisfied with how giving his virginity away didn't give him that sense of manliness he had expected but instead made him insensitive and unfeeling. And all of them - regardless of gender - admitted that after having had sex that first time, they craved more. Some gave in to having multiple sex partners. While others decided that they wanted to wait till marriage. But having already tasted the pleasure of sex, their new commitment was hard to keep. Even harder than it was before having had sex the first time.
Do I want to experience this or feel this way? Definitely not.
People have sex for a variety of reasons. Or so they say. Loneliness and satisfaction are two of the most commonly stated ones. The list goes on and can range anywhere from wanting to fix a relationship, security, to prove something, or revenge. And to be completely honest, none of those are - or have been - good reasons for me to have sex before I get married. I know that sex will be awesome and fun. You don't have to try to convince me of that. But why would I want to experience it with someone other than the man I choose to spend the rest of my life with? I don't understand why people would want to do something like have sex with a random person and become emotionally connected to them, just to get out of bed the next morning having no commitment with the person they had sex with, and living their day-to-day life with no guarantee that they'd even see that person again. Thinking back and remembering the people I know who have had sex, they're still out there - single, lonely, and hurting.
What's the point?
(Also, I want to clarify that not everyone I know who has had sex before marriage, ended up being left on their own by their partner after having had sex. Some have pursued a serious relationship. Some have gotten married. But the majority hasn't.)
I have heard comebacks from people to my view on sex-after-marriage, and some of their arguments have been ones such as, 'Well how do you know that you're sexually compatible?' or 'What if you don't like each other's bodies?'. The whole 'don't buy a car without driving it first' mentality. But what's wrong with that picture? First of all, I'm not marrying a car. Secondly, these pictures are based on the physical. If I marry a man, I'm not marrying him for his body. I'm marrying him for his heart and soul, and because I love him for who he is as a human being. If he has a nice body, I mean, that's a plus too, but that's not the focus. I sometimes feel that this world is all about accepting people for who they are INSIDE, but I look around and see people only wanting what they like on the OUTSIDE.
I'm just stating my opinion and view here, okay? And if you are one of those people who can - or has - had sex before marriage, I'm not trying to stop you or tell you what to do. I'm just genuinely confused how someone could.