For those who don't know about my trip, read here.
I'm back from Peru.
And while I (of course) missed Oregon, my family, my job, and home comforts, saying goodbye to my Peruvian families - blood-related and adopted - wasn't easy. It never will be. I felt wrenched away from the ones I love by something as small as a piece of paper called a plane ticket.
Knowing where to start in relaying my time in Peru is
Since being back, many people have asked me about my trip. Their care, concern and interest has been heart-warming and sweet. And it's not that I don't want to tell them all about my time away. It's just that I can't really. Not yet, anyway. And maybe not ever. At least some things aren't meant to be spoken of, but rather to simply be held in a heart full of memories.
Coming back from Peru this second time has definitely been harder than the first. In July, my focus was on building a foundation of friendship with the boys. And in December/January, my goal was to build on that foundation and cultivate the relationships.
There was some breaking, some molding, and much bonding. God touched me through the testimonies some of the boys shared with me. He broke my heart for what breaks His. He revealed complexities of life and love that I had never known before. And He showed me the beauty of faith and hope that a 15 year old boy can have of future dreams and goals.
Leaving was the hardest ever. It will never get easier. I hate good-byes. I hate distance. And now, I feel completely helpless as I suffer from longing to go back, but knowing that God wants me to be content in the here and now. He has a plan for all of this. He had a plan for me going back to Peru, and He had a plan for me coming home to Oregon. It hurts. Being away from the ones I love. The piece of my heart that I left in Peru, screams for my return. But until then, until God allows me to go back (which I hope and pray and yearn for with all my heart is in His will), I will praise Him - in the here and now.
What happens when you spend two weeks with someone... You talk with them, eat with them, laugh with them, hold hands, have sleepovers, go on walks, have tickle fights, or just enjoy silence together.
And when those two weeks come to an end, you are torn away from them by something called a ticket home. What happens then? Tears. Hate of distance. Determination to see that special person again.
And the remembrance of the grip of their hand on yours as you attempt to say goodbye and they ask you when you will come again.
To F E E L is both a blessing and a curse.
A blessing to be able to experience all the beauties of emotions, of love and affection, of bonding and longing.
A curse when there's nothing you can do about your feelings but to accept them as part of who you are and that no amount of anything can satisfy your heart until you're once again reunited with the one you feel for.
And through it all, God is still God. God is still good. To God be the glory.
'You will make known to me the path of life. In Your presence is fullness of joy. In Your right hand, there are pleasures forever.'
- Psalm 16:11
'Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.'
- Ephesians 3:20