I have never been one to plan very far ahead. God has taught me, many times, that I could plan weeks in advance for something, but at the last second, He could decide that my plans weren’t the best.
Going to Peru for the second time was an enthralling and incredible plan – of God’s, for me. With a big trip like that, there obviously needs to be planning in advance. But for the most part, that’s not how I function normally. And right now is a perfect example of this.
I just got back from a 3-week trip to South America. I left behind many people I love. My soul was touched in more ways than one. And my heart was torn for the hurt and pain of others.
And it ended.
I was pulled away. I’m back in my beautiful Oregon home. Now what?
I unpack my luggage. Go back to work. Indulge my cravings for all the things I missed while in Peru. And I cry. For longing to be back with my boys in Kusi.
So now what?
There’s no way I can return to Peru any time soon. At least in my mind, there isn’t. I don’t know what God is thinking or planning right now. But for reals, going back to Kusi within any number of months, at the moment, is labeled ‘IMPOSSIBLE’. I hope and pray that God will change that title on that dream. And of course, the sooner, the…nicer. But until then, what am I supposed to do?
In Philippians, Paul speaks of being ‘content in whatever circumstances [he] is in…’. Reading that verse in context, it’s speaking about food, prosperity, lack of necessities. But I have felt much prompting from the Holy Spirit, reminding me of this verse. Being content in whatever circumstance I’m in.
And right now, that means ‘wanting to be in Kusi even though I can’t’. And it’s not that I don’t love being home – with my family, at my job, at my church, in my own bed, in my home. But my heart and emotions are wrestling with being content here.
So now what?
I was pondering all this on my way to work the other morning. I drove through a thick fog on the highway, and thought ‘Oh how appropriate…’, but then, I came around a bend, and this greeted me.
It was like God used nature to show me that He hears and understands me. Fog…then sunlight and beauty. His plan for me is beautiful. I don’t know the outcome yet, but it’s beautiful.
This is just something I have been struggling with since being back. I promise I will follow up on this post as the LORD reveals more of His plan for me.