I get asked, on a fairly regular basis, if I have a boyfriend or not. I usually reply with ‘Nope. I’m as single as you can get!’ accompanied by a smile on my face. A few people have admitted that they were surprised by my seemingly joyous reaction and answer to their question. ‘Does it bother you at all? To see girls your age or younger who already have boyfriends - or are even married - ESPECIALLY around Valentine’s Day?’ some have asked me.
First of all, why would it bother me to see someone else happy? That’d just be immature and dumb to feel that way. If someone has a boyfriend or is married, I am genuinely happy for them! Sure, it’s not always a breeze for me to see so many of my peers having a significant other. Just about everyone has the need for companionship and the tendency to get lonely built into their system. But am I going to harbor jealous feelings against people who have found the love of their life? Uh, no. Instead of doing that, I can delight in my singleness and stay busy with some pretty fabulous stuff. And below are a few examples of why I love being single...
1) I’m not ‘tied down’ to a relationship where I would have to cater to someone else’s needs and desires.
I can see how that may sound super conceited and selfish, but I’m just being honest here. I love my freedom. I love being able to get another piercing or get dreads without someone saying ‘I’d rather you not’, and me knowing that I should be self-less and love them and do what they ask. I’ve been in an almost-relationship (I know that sounds confusing but sorry) where he was very demanding of my time and my attention and it got to a point where I felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING without having to tell him first, and basically ask him for his permission. THAT is what I have in mind by saying having to ‘cater’ to someone else. I’m sure nobody would like to be in that sort of relationship.
2) If I want to go on an adventure or go somewhere for the weekend (or at least overnight) I don’t need a chaperone to come along with me and my significant other.
Everyone’s dating rules are different and I totally respect that. For me, though, I plan to really try to never put my boyfriend and I in any tempting situations, including being alone together for long periods of time. And in the case of a roadtrip or weekend camping trip or whatever, that proves to be a hindrance, right? For example, I wouldn’t want to drive across the U.S. with my boyfriend and have to worry about separate rooms at a hotel, separate tents while camping out, etc., etc. (Roadtripping across the U.S. with my husband though? Totally different story.)
3) I’m a very social person and singles tend to be more outgoing and sociable than people in relationships (dating or married).
I’m not trying to point fingers or find fault in married people, but c’mon. You’re in a relationship. Your priority is your significant other. I totally get that. Whereas, singles can mingle, enjoy being with more than one person, not have to focus on the needs of a certain individual, and are just plain fun to be around.
This is NOT to say that married people aren’t fun!! I know some couples who are a blast to hang out with. But only some.
4) I can invest my full attention and time in certain areas of my life and pursue dreams and goals that being in a relationship would prevent me from achieving.
I pretty much explained everything about this point in one sentence.
5) I can get alone time when I need it.
I’m an extrovert, so I get my energy from being around people. This does NOT mean that I don’t sometimes enjoy retreating to a quiet corner of the world for some alone time. I really crave those moments, actually. Where it’s just me, in my sweats and a hoodie, reading a book, listening to music, praying or whatever. Alone. And singles just plain get more times like these than people in committed relationships.
6) I don’t have to deal with someone always being jealous of me and my friendship with guys.
When I am in a serious and committed relationship, I will have absolutely NO problem putting distance between me and my guy friends. And obviously I’d want to because no man will be more important to me than my boyfriend. But until then, it’s nice not having someone breathing down my neck, wondering who I’m texting, or who I’m going to hang out with because they want me all to themselves. Trust me. When I have a boyfriend, I’ll WANT to be with him. He’ll probably think I’m too clingy.
7) I never know what’s around the corner.
I love mystery and suspense. I’m as curious as a cat. I love trying to figure things out. And when I view my singleness as an intriguing mystery story, it really does put things into perspective for me. I never know who I’ll meet next. Or when. Or where. Is my future husband someone I’ve already met? A life-long friend? Or that guy I accidentally bumped into at the store? Or the stranger who wanted to take a random selfie with me? Or the guy at the new shop that opened in town who I need to go interview? I’m not trying to set myself up for disappointment, but rather look at my options. And remember that life is an adventure. I’m not sitting around, waiting for my man to come find me. I’m staying active. I’m meeting new people, seeing new places, enjoying life! And whenever God decides to set him in my path, I’ll meet him then. I'm in love with possibilities.
8) I have the whole bed to myself.
This is NOT to say that I wouldn’t much rather be cuddled at night, but I really do enjoy having a big bed, not having to share blankets, or listen to snoring.
I would like to end this with saying that I really do look forward to getting married. Whenever God allows that to happen, I know it will be at the exact perfect moment and I will be more than ready and happy to commit my life to a man. But until then, as a friend of mine told me recently, ‘I like the idea of marriage but I also don’t mind waiting for someone I know I would enjoy marriage with’.
What are some reasons you can find and be thankful for in being single?