3.27.2015

5 Ways To Not Destroy Your [Future] Marriage



I recently read an article, shared on Facebook, called ‘5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage’.  It received a lot of views and gained popularity by leaps and bounds.  Author Katelynn Carmen had great points in her article.  I was inspired to write a post, on the same topic, but relatable for singles instead of specifically to married women.  

Because, believe it or not, we are impacting our future marriage even now.

1)    Respect.
Ladies, learn to respect men.
Men, learn to respect women.
This is something that is so lacking in today's culture.  And I'm sure you would all agree with me.  The fact is, some women feel that 'respecting a man' is like 'submitting to him'.  But I don't think this is exactly the same.  I may respect a lot of the guys in my life, but that doesn't mean I'll submit to them, do what they tell/ask me to, and trust them to make decisions for me.  No.  I respect them because they have proven themselves as gentlemen, as someone worthy of respect.  I am so blessed to say I know a few men like that.  I will, however, respect the man I submit under.  But in the marriage context, whether I find my husband 'worthy' of my respect or not, I am commanded to honor and obey him (as long as what he wants me to do does not go against Scripture).  Your father and brother(s) are good guys to practice with, by the way.
And guys, you need to learn to respect women - whether they are ladies or not.  You need to learn to respect and treat women well now before you even think about dating one.  
Respecting your spouse will be one of the greatest keys to a good marriage.  I have seen this truth time and time again in the many couples I know, including my parents.  You cannot truly love without respecting that person as well.  And of course you'll have your up and down days with the spouse.  But learning to respect them, no matter what, is essential.  Even now.

2)    Submission.
This one is more for the ladies.  And one that tends to get overlooked very often, especially by single women.  I get the whole hulaballoo about how 'submission' means to 'submit under one's authority; the act of being under a superior force; having a submissive conduct or attitude'.  That doesn't sit very well with many women.  And it's because some of us, as humans, don't want to be 'under' anyone's authority.  Especially a man's.  We aren't weaklings.  We can do things on our own.  We can make our own decisions.  But being 'submissive' isn't about owning up to any of those.  Let's look at what a wife called to be?  A helpmate.  An encouragement to her husband.  The strength behind him.  Right?  And what greater strength must a woman have than to trust and submit to her husband's decisions and support him no matter what?  To submit isn't about being weak.  It's about having the strength it takes to be the solid rock of foundation and assurance, the encouragement and help to push forward.  Practice being this encouragement with the men in authority over you - namely, your father.
And guys, learn now that your wife isn't submitting to you because she's the weaker sex.  But because she trusts you and is giving her all to you to care for, and to lead.  I don't know what more of a manly responsibility you want than that.  It's a pretty scary thought, honestly.  By marrying a woman, you are accepting full responsibility to care, cherish, and honor her - body, soul and spirit.  Think you can do that?  Learn to.  Even now.

3)    Budget.
This is sooo important, people.  Learn to budget and save money BEFORE you are married so you won't go into horrible debt the first year you're married, and you won't have problems saving and budgeting once you have double expenses...or start a family.  That's about all I have to say for this.  But for reals.  Learn to budget.  Even now.

4)   Household skills.
'When I have my own house, I'll do my own laundry.'
'Organizing is such a waste of time.'
'I don't need to make my bed.  I'm just gonna sleep in it again tonight.'
Oh just you wait until you're married and your while-single-habits get on your spouses' nerves.  Better nip those in the bud now, peeps.  Oh and cooking!!  Guys AND girls should both learn this skill.  Ladies, because you'll need to know how to feed your husband a hearty meal, and maybe someday children too.  And gents, one of the biggest turn-ons to women is seeing a man in the kitchen, cooking up a fancy meal.  (Especially like in those Kraft commercials...hint hint.)  It's attractive, okay?  Learn to be skilled and handy around the house.  Even now.

5)    Patience.
No matter how 'in love' you think you'll be, or how many kisses and flowers your marriage is going to be filled with, patience is a virtue that will never got out of style and will always be needed.  Patience is useful in all stages of life.  And as a single person, you can focus on cultivating it with your parents, your siblings, your coworkers, your boss, your church family, etc.  I have talked to many couples about the best foundations to a healthy marriage, and 'patience' was always on their list.  Practice patience.  Even now.

What are some other qualities you would suggest that singles hone before being in a relationship?



This post was originally published by Raquel on Brave.



1 comment:

  1. Raquel, this is some of the best advice I've ever heard! It's easy to pine our life away simply because we haven't met the "one" yet. But it's hard to face the reality that there's a lot we need to be doing now if we ever intend to be married. Sometimes I think it's as simple as realizing that while God hasn't called us to be married (yet), He's still called us to serve the others in our lives as best we can. Serving others begins with maintaining our own livelihood and responsibilities, whatever those may be, whether we're living at home, living on our own, going to school or working full time.

    I wouldn't really add anything to this list, but I think it's worth emphasizing that whether we're married or single, we always are married to Christ first and that by learning to love Jesus more and more each day, we are, in a way, preparing ourselves for marriage some day. Thanks again!

    Dani from a vapor in the wind

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