Why People Don't Like Love

Too often, I think we refer to 'love' and 'romance' as one and the same.  
But are they truly?

They both have to do with a man and a woman, yes.  But only one can make their relationship flourish past friendship.
They can both easily be faked, but only one can withstand the test of time.
They are both beautiful things, but only one is eternal and imperishable.

Romance is what makes us want to watch cute movies in which attractive characters fall in love with each other and we think 'Oh how I wish I was him/her!' 
Romance is what makes your heart flutter when he sends those sweet texts late at night.  
Romance is what makes you smile when she calls you by your favorite pet name.

But love. What is love?

Love is the beautiful, tormenting, heart-attacking knowledge that wells up inside of you at just the sound of their voice.  
Love is the reason behind all the late-night phone calls where you fall asleep to the sound of the other breathing.  
Love is the confidence that no matter how much your hair color fades, no matter how many pounds you gain, no matter if your eyes grow dim.  Love is what keeps the romance alive.

“People don’t like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love - love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive. Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it. It’s ridiculous.”
- Matt Chandler

Love is not an emotion, like romance is.  Love is a knowledge. A pledge.  A vow.  It's what stands when everything around you both has fallen.  And when asked if you still romance the one you love, you can answer 'It is because I love, I am able to romance.  Forever and always.'  Love is a choice and action, not a feeling and emotion.  Love is a choice.  A decision.  And this isn't exactly an all-time favorite. 

Love isn't convenient.  It isn't easy.  It's complicated, it's difficult, it sometimes happens at the most unexpected times.
I think there are two types of love:
1)   Falling in love with who the person is.
2)   Reminding yourself why you chose to love that person.  Even when you don’t necessary LIKE them (during an argument, disagreement, etc.), you must still choose to LOVE them the way Christ loves the church. 

"In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up.  And when that happens, you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love.  So what do you do?  You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling.  You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actos, you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful.  And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings.  This is what can happen if you decide to love."
- Timothy Keller

"I'm single, Raquel," you say to your computer screen.  "How does this apply to me?"

Maybe it doesn't...yet.  But it might in the future.  Maybe even soon.  The things is, you're living your wedding vows right now.  How are you staying committed to your future spouse right now?  How are you staying faithful to being theirs - in body and soul?  These are all ways that you can practice building a strong foundational love to your marriage even though you're currently single.

"But it's not easy."

Heck no, it's not.  Who says it would be?  Loving an imperfect person is gonna be really, really hard.  But guess what?  You're not perfect either.  And they're gonna have to put up with you.  Pretty humbling thought, huh?  I think about that a lot too.  I'm like 'What if I just can't deal with them anymore?' but then I remind myself of the vows that I plan on making on my wedding day and I tell myself 'Those are going to be one of the most important words I will ever utter from my lips.  And I will pledge them with my whole heart.  That means no backing out.  Ever.'

Love isn't going to be the Disney perfect happily ever after ohmygosh forever and ever kisses all the time kind of happiness.  Love is hard.  It's going to be hard.  Sometimes it'll be grand, and sometimes it won't be.  It will be fun, yes, but that doesn't mean it always will be or that it won't take work sometimes.  During the most difficult times, the most important thing you can do is to continue to love. 

Love is not about you.  It never will be.  The purpose is not about your own happiness and pleasure and self-gratification.  That is not true love.  Love is not about what the other person can give you and do for you, but what you can do for them.  

Love is the most selfless act in the universe.  

The purpose of love is the very essence of it, the act, the art, the life lesson of learning how to love another human being.  And that will probably be one - if not the most - darnest difficulty you will ever experience or have to face.  But it'll be worth it.  It will be so worth it.   

Love is choosing someone over everything else, including yourself, your ego, your pride, your desires, unfailingly, every day.  Forever.

It is not in our nature to love, but it isn't against our nature either.  Then what is it?  It is above our nature.  It's the greater good.  It is what God is (1 John 4:8).  And aren't we called to be like Him?  This is something we must reach for, strive towards, because it is inspirational, because it is noble.  Because it is right.
"The healthiest thing you can say to someone you love is, "I would be okay without you, but yet I choose to stay'."


This post was originally published by Raquel on Brave


  1. Beautiful post. You are very right. Love is not the same as romance. Having been married for 12 years I can say that what you say about choosing to love someone even when you don't like them in that moment is very important, because it happens a lot.

    I actually talked about this a bit last year. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it:


    1. Thank you, Fisti. I checked out your post and left a comment:)

  2. This is brilliant and true to the core. I hadn't really thought of love that way, as something we love the idea of when we don't understand the extent of sacrifice that love requires. Thanks for this!

    1. Thank you for your comment. Glad you enjoyed this.

  3. I'm studying about love in so much depth through my spiritual father and it is such a beautiful topic and deeper than we realize! Thanks for your post.

    1. That's wonderful. You're welcome. Thank you for your comment.