Greetings from a little house in western Montana...
I am sitting on a futon. Some windows are open, letting in a cool breeze on this hot summer day. I have been needing to write.
I decided to take a little breather and escape from my normal routine in my beloved Oregon. I needed some space. I needed to get away. I needed to take a different path.
I thought that coming to Montana would help me figure stuff out. And it has. But it's also raised some more questions.
I thought I would have time to think and sort things out. And I have. But not as much as I've wanted to. I want answers. And I felt like I couldn't find them. Or that I can't find them. And it's frustrating.
Instead of getting answers, more questions have been raised. Much has been on my mind, including - how do I make someone understand that the way they're headed will only have heartbreak? How do I keep loving them even when they don't listen to me?
How do I get back something I once had?
How do I figure out what step to take next?
How can I speed up time to get to a point in my life that I am craving to be at already?
How do I know what God wants of me next?
How do I lead when needed?
How do I cultivate patience and selflessness? Because Lord knows I'm neither of those.
It's so hard to even know where to start. Which should I tackle first?
Life is so full of changes. I wish I could write about all of them but some are just too personal. I write about them in my journal, but I'm waiting for a time that I can share them with the world. Some are still in progress. Others have been completed. Others are still waiting for my decision, my go-ahead, my leap of faith.
I want God to use me. I want to be soft in His hands. Wherever He takes me, I will go. Whoever He allows across my path, I will love. Whatever He wants me to do, I will do.
I have been reading a book by Matt Chandler since I have been here in Montana. It is called 'To Live Is Christ, To Die Is Gain'. It has been so wonderfully eye-opening, so encouraging and challenging at the same time. I pray God teaches me much through it. I need to hear from Him - not only through His Word, but through others.
LORD, make me more like You.
And always remind me that that ground is forever level at the foot of Your cross.