6.26.2015

Erratic Prose [while in Montana] | edition 1


Greetings from a little house in western Montana...

I am sitting on a futon.  Some windows are open, letting in a cool breeze on this hot summer day.  I have been needing to write.

I decided to take a little breather and escape from my normal routine in my beloved Oregon.  I needed some space.  I needed to get away.  I needed to take a different path.

I thought that coming to Montana would help me figure stuff out.  And it has.  But it's also raised some more questions.
I thought I would have time to think and sort things out.  And I have.  But not as much as I've wanted to.  I want answers.  And I felt like I couldn't find them.  Or that I can't find them.  And it's frustrating.

Instead of getting answers, more questions have been raised.  Much has been on my mind, including - how do I make someone understand that the way they're headed will only have heartbreak?  How do I keep loving them even when they don't listen to me?
How do I get back something I once had?
How do I figure out what step to take next?
How can I speed up time to get to a point in my life that I am craving to be at already?
How do I know what God wants of me next?
How do I lead when needed?
How do I cultivate patience and selflessness?  Because Lord knows I'm neither of those.

It's so hard to even know where to start.  Which should I tackle first?

Life is so full of changes.  I wish I could write about all of them but some are just too personal.  I write about them in my journal, but I'm waiting for a time that I can share them with the world.  Some are still in progress.  Others have been completed.  Others are still waiting for my decision, my go-ahead, my leap of faith.

I want God to use me.  I want to be soft in His hands.  Wherever He takes me, I will go.  Whoever He allows across my path, I will love.  Whatever He wants me to do, I will do.

I have been reading a book by Matt Chandler since I have been here in Montana.  It is called 'To Live Is Christ, To Die Is Gain'.  It has been so wonderfully eye-opening, so encouraging and challenging at the same time.  I pray God teaches me much through it.  I need to hear from Him - not only through His Word, but through others.

LORD, make me more like You.
And always remind me that that ground is forever level at the foot of Your cross.

2 comments:

  1. I can tell you really have a heart for The Lord, that's great!
    I know from personal experience, if you're truly seeking His will in your life, step out and He will guide your steps.
    My favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11
    Natasha
    A modest fashion blog: www.natashaatkerson.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Praying for you! God is wonderfully faithful.

    ReplyDelete

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