Erratic Prose [while in Montana] | edition 1

Greetings from a little house in western Montana...

I am sitting on a futon.  Some windows are open, letting in a cool breeze on this hot summer day.  I have been needing to write.

I decided to take a little breather and escape from my normal routine in my beloved Oregon.  I needed some space.  I needed to get away.  I needed to take a different path.

I thought that coming to Montana would help me figure stuff out.  And it has.  But it's also raised some more questions.
I thought I would have time to think and sort things out.  And I have.  But not as much as I've wanted to.  I want answers.  And I felt like I couldn't find them.  Or that I can't find them.  And it's frustrating.

Instead of getting answers, more questions have been raised.  Much has been on my mind, including - how do I make someone understand that the way they're headed will only have heartbreak?  How do I keep loving them even when they don't listen to me?
How do I get back something I once had?
How do I figure out what step to take next?
How can I speed up time to get to a point in my life that I am craving to be at already?
How do I know what God wants of me next?
How do I lead when needed?
How do I cultivate patience and selflessness?  Because Lord knows I'm neither of those.

It's so hard to even know where to start.  Which should I tackle first?

Life is so full of changes.  I wish I could write about all of them but some are just too personal.  I write about them in my journal, but I'm waiting for a time that I can share them with the world.  Some are still in progress.  Others have been completed.  Others are still waiting for my decision, my go-ahead, my leap of faith.

I want God to use me.  I want to be soft in His hands.  Wherever He takes me, I will go.  Whoever He allows across my path, I will love.  Whatever He wants me to do, I will do.

I have been reading a book by Matt Chandler since I have been here in Montana.  It is called 'To Live Is Christ, To Die Is Gain'.  It has been so wonderfully eye-opening, so encouraging and challenging at the same time.  I pray God teaches me much through it.  I need to hear from Him - not only through His Word, but through others.

LORD, make me more like You.
And always remind me that that ground is forever level at the foot of Your cross.


  1. I can tell you really have a heart for The Lord, that's great!
    I know from personal experience, if you're truly seeking His will in your life, step out and He will guide your steps.
    My favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11
    A modest fashion blog: www.natashaatkerson.blogspot.com

  2. Praying for you! God is wonderfully faithful.