This Is the Kind of Man You Want

I will never forget the time I met a lady in Seattle.  The meeting was completely unplanned by me, but divinely planned by Someone else.

Our conversation was about her daughter's recent engagement.  She was very emotional about it, as it was her oldest daughter and they had a very close relationship.  While talking about her daughter and soon to be son-in-law's love story, the mother paused, looked me in the eye and said,

'The biggest mistake you can ever make is to marry someone who doesn't love Jesus.  Don't even give a man like that your attention.  The first thing you need to love about him is how much he loves the LORD.'

I've repeated that to myself over the years.  And it has proven true in many different scenarios.

There's a large difference between a Christian guy and a man of God.  And you should look for, pay attention to, the latter...

Fall in love with a man who loves Jesus above all else.  Fall in love with a man who is desperately in love with his Savior before he even knows of your existence.  Fall in love with a man who is not ashamed of the Gospel, not ashamed of his love for the LORD, not ashamed to make a public display regarding his love for the truth and for salvation.

Fall in love with a man who knows that God is the best foundation for a relationship - because not only is He the strongest, but He is also the Author of all love stories and your relationship should be a testimony of His grace and forgiveness.

And how will his relationship with God affect you?

He will treat you as the daughter of God that you are.  He will respect you.  He will pursue you.  He will treasure you.  He will worship God with you.  He will pray with you and for you.  He will walk beside you during the best and worst moments of your life.  He will be honest with you.  He will take the leadership role in the relationship.  He will help you in keeping your purity, maintaining your standards, sticking to your boundaries.

He will not lead you astray.  He will not pressure you.  He will not control you.  He will not challenge your standards and boundaries.  He will not force you into doing anything.  He will not seek to pleasure himself.  He will never interfere with your relationship with God.

And if you and he are both actively seeking the LORD as individuals, your relationship will blossom and flourish with your pursuit of His will for you and your lives - together or not.

And as difficult as this sounds, you want a man who will pursue God so fully and so whole-heartedly that if he is distracted from His Savior or his calling in life, and you are that distraction, he may need to put you to the side for a bit.  He will choose to loosen his grip on the woman he loves for the God he loves.  If you are a woman after God's own heart and want a man who pursues the same, you will honor and love this characteristic of him.

What really matters is that he loves the LORD.
And he will love you the best through the love he receives from God.

And that is something you will never regret.


  1. I was only JUST talking to a close friend last night about this very thing. You don't just want to marry someone who "loves God". You want to marry someone who will die without Him, who would give up everything - including you - if it were to come between him and his Saviour. Two people who seek after God before each other are the catalyst for an amazing marriage that God can use.

  2. Thank you, Raquel!!! As a young lady in her late twenties seeking to build wholesome guy/girl friendships, I definitely have my up and down moments. Particularly with the waiting. :) It seems like I'm always cogitating on these points, but your post tonight was a wonderful encouragement. I've been thinking that last point over, too, particularly of late. We can't see what's going to happen next and it's incredibly hard some days. But I've been trying to be patient and gain that heart of wisdom -- seeking to be a woman after God's own heart -- acknowledging that a faithful young man may indeed have a lot on his hands/certain other commitments God is requiring of him right now. And, if such is the case that really calls for both respect and honor on my part. Those qualities of discipline and self-control and diligence and wholehearted service to God and where He would have him are really and truly what I'm praying for -- incredibly tough though it sometimes is at the daily level. And this might sound crazy, but I just thought of another way to think of it. If I've been praying for years for such a God-centered, God-focused man... maybe He's just taking me at my word. A man who's all in and in it for the long haul. :)