11.14.2015

How To Face Your Heartache

Heartache isn't something you are able to rush and get over with quickly.

Just like each of us have different levels of pain tolerance, we each heal at different paces.

And the deeper the love, the more the painful it will be.

Everything hurts right now because you felt something real.  The numbness will set in.  Don't let it overtake you, though.  Don't let the numbness of your heart and body's self-preservation mode take over your brain.  Just allow it to make the pain dull, instead of sharp.  It will still be painful...and this is because the relationship or crush or experience was something more to you than just the physically-attracted aspect of it.  You were going out on a limb to answer the call of your natural human heart to care for another person.  And that's something you should never feel guilty for or regretful of.  To love is part of being a human.  And so is pain.

'But why?' you may ask.

Ah but why not?

Sure, life may be easier to face while being closed off to love.  It might not be as dangerous.  It might not lead to as much pain.  It would certainly be less complicated and flexible.  But it would also, most definitely, be less colorful, less full, and not as...alive.  Love and pain are companions.  You can't have one without the other.  Either love ends and you feel pain, or love continues for the rest of your life and pain will happen because people are human and humans are stupid and crap happens.  So love can either be an island prison or a blessing to have the opportunity to love someone so much that it hurts.

You feel pain because you truly felt love.  I know this may be the worst possible thing to hear right now but - be thankful for it.  Be thankful that you can feel, that you did feel.  Remember how that love made you feel.  And remember that you, yes you, are capable of falling in love again.  Not right now.  Maybe not even soon.  But it is possible.  And the more suffering you experience from this heartache, the more you will cherish your next love.

You will have moments of sobbing.  You will have times of teary-eyes that are quickly blinked away. Or you will have break-downs in store aisles as memories flood you and their presence is so real and so tangible.  You will have moments of tranquil outside appearances but on the inside, your heart is crumbling like an old abandoned castle.  Memories will haunt you and their ghost will suddenly appear right before your eyes.  Don't try to ignore it.  Don't push it away.  Face it.  You don't have to forget them or erase them entirely from your memory.  You cared about them enough to love them.  The only thing that has changed is how, not why.


"Just embrace the fact that you are going to hurt for a while, that you loved someone courageously and it did not work out, that you cannot regret anything or question anything because all you did was in love and there's nothing wrong with that."

Every day you will have something new to face.  And every day you will react differently.  You will ponder on it differently.  You will be in an endless spiral, facing a problem on day #32 that you thought you already dealt with on day #8.  And that's okay.  Don't try to plan out your healing process.  Don't try to even understand it.  Let yourself feel.  Let yourself heal.  In your own time and pace.

Heartache is scary.  It's as if you had it altogether one moment and the next, everything is in ashes.  Your mind and heart are two completely different things, but they are both a wreck of emotions.  You can't think of anything or anyone else except that one person.  Your mind will tell your heart to stop thinking about them, to get over it, to move on.  But your heart won't be able to listen.  You need to separate the two from each other.  Let your heart heal on its own and decide when it is time, when it can be whole again.  And let your brain calm down and be a guide instead of a commander.  You're a wreck of emotions.  And that's okay.  It takes time to heal.  Pain doesn't dissipate overnight.  It's a process.  And the agony you go through will only succeed in making you more alive, more sensitive, more keen to life and the beauties it holds.  It will make you more real than you've ever been before, because you, as a whole, have experienced a new part of life.  People who don't experience heartache will never know the happiness that rests outside of their little bubble.  They will be happy, but they won't have anything to compare it to.  Whereas you, knowing what happiness is and isn't, will understand, once you find it again, just how powerful true love is.

11.06.2015

How I Taught Myself What To Write About

[source] This is literally me every day ^

So I was thinking about Taylor Swift the other day.

(Not a normal subject for me to ponder on, I assure you.)

I realized how I used to often criticize her inspiration for her songs and how immature it seemed to me that she dated guys, broke up with them, and then wrote about her ex and their past relationship.  Now, granted, I don't agree with her lifestyle, her dating pattern or the guys she chooses to 'make mistakes' with, but I have a whole new view on her inspiration.

Her inspiration for music is based on her experiences.  Her experiences based on people.  And the people are ones divinely put in her path.
I think that is fascinating.

Each of us write for different reasons.  Some of us went to school to be journalists.  Some of us write professionally, for work.  And then, there are some of us who have been writing since we were youngsters.
I write because my heart won't beat for me unless I write the letters it taps to me in Morse code.  I write because writing is a part of living for me.  Growing up, my room, desk and bed were always occupied by papers and journals.  I would overfill notebooks with who knows what.  I wrote about everything I did, everything I saw, everyone I met.

Each of us will have different experiences than the next person.  We will have different adventures, different heartaches, different loves lost, different occurrences and events.  And though they are different, they can be similar in some way, somehow.  Because we all feel.  We all have emotions.  And these can be similar, even if the situation they occur in is different.

When we share our episodes of life with the world - whether through music or dance or writing (just to name a few) - we are unknowingly helping and encouraging individuals who may be needing to know that they're not alone.  That they aren't the only ones who are experiencing these emotions and feelings and frustrations.

So I encourage YOU to share your heart.  As a writer, being able to put my thoughts to words and words on paper is one of the most rewarding things to do.  When I am frustrated about something, I write about it.  When I am feeling emotions for and about someone, I write about it.  When I wish I could visit this place or go on that adventure, I write about it.  Nothing that happens to me is fully processed by my brain until I write it down.  Read it over.  Think about it.  Sometimes I don't necessarily want to write about certain things.  But then I get in an argument with my brain and my organized, logical-thinking left side usually wins.  Because I need to write things down, even when it's hard, even when it hurts.  Because I need to record, process and accept the truth of my own words.
I have learned to say whatever it is that I'm thinking - even if I have to use metaphors and stupid cliche phrases to just get. it. out.
And yes, even if I have to stay up till 2 a.m. to finish writing it.

I have learned to never bite my tongue when it comes to speaking what I feel and what I truly think.  I am not controlled by other humans.  I don't care what they think.  I care about what One God thinks of me.  I have a voice, I have an opinion, I have emotions.  And little by little, I am learning to take my own medicine and write...for others.  I want to write and share my experiences, my chapters of this crazy story called life, because I want to be able to encourage and bless and inspire.  And if something I write is important enough to me to write, then I shouldn't apologize for it.

Just don't stop.  Write.  Wherever you are, amidst whatever you're doing.  If a thought comes to your head, write it down before you forget.  My phone is FULL of notes of random thoughts and ideas that I have throughout my day.  I've been known to write on bookmakers, receipts, scraps of paper, napkins, and even on my hands.

Don't be afraid of your brain.  Don't be afraid of yourself and what you're thinking or feeling.  Express it through words.  Write it down.  And don't ever apologize.  Life is a crazy thing.  Sometimes it's pretty scary too.  Familiarize yourself with your heart and who you are deep down in your soul.  Make that open passage between who you are and your brain.  Be at peace with raw emotion.  Don't beat yourself up about memories.  Good and bad ones will stay with you for the rest of your life.  And that's okay.  Learn how to face them.  Writing about them is a good way to do this.

Teach yourself what to write about.
Find your style, your little nook, and write until your fingers ache but your brain is free.