This is an open letter, addressed to the myriad of people who I should have said these things to...
Here is my apology. My confession. My thoughts. My regrets. My honesty.
1. "I don't regret giving that gift to you. It's a part of me that I am happy you have."
2. "I saw your text. I just chose not to respond."
3. "I still have that ring you gave me."
4. "I wish we had never stopped talking for that whole year."
5. "You are the reason I am the writer I am today. You are the inspiration behind so many of my poems."
6. "Every time I hear 'You Make Me Smile', I think of you."
7. "Singing and playing piano with you was something I looked forward to every week."
8. "I never liked her, but I gave her a chance. For you. Because she made you happy and your happiness matters so much to me."
9. "No, I don't like your dogs. I've already kicked one when you weren't looking. So please keep them away from me."
10. "I expected more from you than this."
11. "I said all those things because I knew it was what you wanted to hear. And I was afraid to say any different because I knew you wouldn't be happy with me if I was honest."
12. "You were drunk, okay? Even if you don't admit it."
13. "I have every right to ask that he not use language around me."
14. "I freaked out when you added me on Snapchat. I couldn't believe you would even notice me, let alone want to talk."
15. "I know you don't like me. And frankly, I don't give a dang."
16. "I used to have the biggest crush on you."
17. "To this day, I still won't admit that I'm jealous of you and your perfect little life."
18. "I used to look up to you so much but you treated me like an inferior that one time we talked and since then, you're nothing more than a piece of dust in my past."
19. "Honestly, you're still single because you just don't freaking try."
20. "Stop talking about cars. I really don't want to hear about cars anymore. Cars aren't really my topic and I'm getting tired of you droning on and on about cars."
21. "You two are really cute together but I honestly don't see it working out."
22. "I will never forgive you for spraying that gecko repellent in my eyes."
23. "You need to get out of your comfort zone, start hanging out with the right people, and maybe then you'll get ambition for real dreams and goals instead of being so lukewarm and stuck in your own little world right now."
24. "I'm sorry I never officially introduced myself to you."
25. "I will never regret saying 'No' when you asked to hold my hand."
26. "I will never be able to thank you enough for letting me be that little girl who always hugged you, mimicked you, was your little shadow. I didn't understand how that probably annoyed the heck out of you until I reached your [then] age and had to deal with the same thing. Yet you never ever pushed me away. Thank you."
27. "Don't accuse me of drama. You're the high school teenager, not me."
28. "Why did we ever let distance get in the way?"
29. "Yes, I deleted you on Facebook. I just didn't like seeing how you pretended that you had a perfect little life when I know, in reality, you don't."
30. "You are so so so beautiful."
31. "Teach me how to write."
32. "You're one of my heroes."
33. "I still have the journal I wrote in about you."
34. "My sisters asked me who I thought was the best-looking guy I've ever known. And your face was the first one that came to mind."
35. "You really do have a beautiful beard."
36. "I'm sorry I was so insensitive to your situation. I've gone through the same now, and can actually relate. It sucks."
37. "Oh my gosh, stop talking to me, please. Why? Because all you ever say is about how you're lonely and are trying to date this or that girl. Not interested, buddy."
38. "I really thought you'd be the type of friend to stick with me even if our mutual acquaintances drifted apart. Guess I was wrong."
39. "I know the person you can become. You're just afraid of how God will wreck you in the process of getting you to that sold-out point of your life."
40. "Thank you for your hugs."