When my best friend asked me why I was still awake, I texted back: 'I guess Jesus just wanted me to stay up late to worship Him.'
I've really missed Him, honestly. I wasn't very close to Him this last year. I thought I was. I kept telling myself that it was just some unknown, weird phase. But I was in denial. And the thing that was distracting me the most was something I didn't want to let go of. But when I did, I knew it was the right thing to do because through that process, the LORD has brought me closer to Himself.
I had meant to get in bed and fall right to sleep (I had an exhausting day), but I went on YouTube instead. I don't even remember what I was initially looking up, but I got sidetracked and began watching worship session videos from Bethel Music. Next thing I knew, it was 3am. The time just flew by as I was so engrossed in worshipping my God through the worship videos I was watching. It was so incredible!
One of the songs I was worshipping with is a favorite by Amanda Cook, sung by Steffany Gretzinger -
Pull me a little closer
Take me a little deeper
I wanna know Your heart
I wanna know Your heart
Cuz Your love is so much sweeter
Than anything I've tasted
I wanna know Your heart...
And oh how that resonates with my soul.
He has been taking me to whole new levels of knowing WHAT His heart, His peace, His love and His grace feel like in my life right now.
When I look back on all that He has brought me through, all He has protected me from, all that He's allowed me to experience to teach me certain lessons... The one thought I linger on is of how far I've come - ONLY by His careful and loving hands. And how close to me He has stayed all this time. He has never let me go. Never once let me fall into something deeper than His grace. His mercy is so powerful. His love unrelenting. He has pursued and pursued and pursued my heart. My sinful human heart that He only sees as beautiful and clean by the blood of His Son. And no matter how often I fall short, no matter how often I screw up, He still welcomes me to sit at His feet.
My soul thirsts to know Him more.
I look ahead with such hope, knowing that whatever He has planned for me, whatever He has written for my life, will be such a beautiful and grand story because He is the perfect Author of all things - all things that work out for MY good. And for His glory. What a thought!
We serve such an awesome God. He is mighty to behold.
This morning, while reading my devotions, I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and these words flowed from my heart.
Great is Thy grace
O Maker of my soul
Forever You are true.
When You are absent,
Troubles assail me.
But when You are near,
My life is overfilled with blessings.
Great is Thy mercy
Savior of my heart
You conquered death
So I may be free
To live with You forever
In the home You have made for me
Great is Your love
Hero of my life
In Your wounds I find forgiveness
You banish all the fear
That tries to take me captive
You make the guilt cease
That my mind can't seem to forget
In Your presence,
I find my rest.
I behold the glory of the One and only
Your goodness crashes over me in mighty waves
And I am lost in the wonder
I have never been so free...