Staggering, Stumbling and Beauty In the Deformities

I am exhausted.

The last couple of weeks have been very emotionally trying.  One after the other, circumstances happened that threw my world in a loop.  Things I thought I had gotten over, resurfaced and hit me full on.  I continually had to fight back tears of hurt, anger, frustration and confusion.  I still am, honestly.  And I'm exhausted.  I'm really, really tired.  Of a lot of things.  Of a lot of people.  Of a lot of thoughts and feelings.

While business was slow at work, I perched myself on the counter and looked outside.  My eye caught movement at the used car lot, next door to the coffee stand I work at.  A couple was checking out a car and their young son was nearby.  His legs were crooked and misshaped.  He was walking with two canes attached to either arm.  And stumbling with each step as he forced his legs to move towards his parents.

The first thought that came to my head was 'What a beautiful little boy.'
The second was 'This is what we are like in our striving walk towards God.'

I saw myself in that little boy.  I saw my emotions represented by the way he was staggering and stumbling, trying so hard to walk with confidence, unswerving.

Yet how often is that the way we walk?  

That little boy was a beautiful picture of life itself.  And he reminded me of how deformed I am.  Maybe not outwardly, but inwardly, I am a mess.  I am a distorted, twisted, mangled mass of heart and emotions and feelings and passions.  And sometimes it's overwhelming to try to figure it all out, you know?  I'm exhausted with trying to untangle it all and push forward without constantly staggering and stumbling.

But that's when I have to remind myself that I am not supposed to be the strong one.

I can try as many times as I want to, but I will never succeed.
I'm finite.
I'm human.
I'm flawed.
But oh praise be that I serve a God whose strength is made manifest IN my weakness.  And through His strong, yet gentle hands, He is shaping me into something beautiful.

"He makes everything beautiful in His time."
- Eccelesiastes 3:11


  1. I can't believe the timing of this post. I can totally identify with this right in the last few weeks.... today. For me, the verse springing to mind (over and over)... "His strength is made perfect in weakness." In all the pain and frustration He's always there -- and He's gone deeper. Christ has gone beyond anything I'll ever experience and He brings glory in the brokenness and joy in ashes.

  2. Dear Sister in Christ,

    I don't know you personally and probably will never ever meet each other.
    However your faith in the Lord won my admiration.

    My 2 cents thoughts - you, the deformed boy who is forcing your legs to move as fast towards your parent (Father). The distance between you both are vast and the steps you have taken is small. But your Father (although He never show it, He is probably crying deep inside as He feels your pain) will be running towards you for each small step you take.

    I'm not sure what you are going through (eg lover relationship, betrayal by friends etc). However I will like to share psalm 64 with you.

    Hear me, my God, as I voice my complaint;
    protect my life from the threat of the enemy.

    Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked,
    from the plots of evildoers.

    They sharpen their tongues like swords
    and aim cruel words like deadly arrows.

    They shoot from ambush at the innocent;
    they shoot suddenly, without fear.

    They encourage each other in evil plans,
    they talk about hiding their snares;
    they say, “Who will see it[b]?”

    They plot injustice and say,
    “We have devised a perfect plan!”
    Surely the human mind and heart are cunning.

    But God will shoot them with his arrows;
    they will suddenly be struck down.

    He will turn their own tongues against them
    and bring them to ruin;
    all who see them will shake their heads in scorn.

    All people will fear;
    they will proclaim the works of God
    and ponder what he has done.

    The righteous will rejoice in the Lord
    and take refuge in him;
    all the upright in heart will glory in him!

  3. Thanks for sharing. I'd love to encourage you with Psalm 139:13-14. God knew your before there was a you to know, and he loved you, and not only did he love you but he wonderfully made you. You are His workmanship and made in the image of God, Jesus, and His Holy Spirit. You are NOT deformed. Jesus was despised and rejected, crushed and tormented so that you WOULD NOT HAVE TO BE! You're a fellow heir to Christ himself- how's that for name dropping lol. So please, in you weakness let Him make you strong, in your sadness let Him give you Joy. Seek first the kingdom of God and he will give you everything!! I emplore you to check out my blog. It's new and I'm still getting it going, but I'd just finished a series call the Gods Precious Promises and I think you'd enjoy it! My website is saltlifejournal.blogspot.com.