Then And Now

Things are so much different than I thought they would be.
When I was young, in my innocent little mind, I imagined life would be very much not the way I realized it is when I grew older.

I thought people waited until they were 21 to taste their first alcoholic drink.
I thought people didn't do drugs or smoke because they know it's bad for them.
I thought people waited till they were married to have sex.  And only had it with that one person.  And never got divorces.
I thought people met their soulmate at a young age, got married after college, and lived happily ever after.
I thought people who loved each other never got in fights, never said hurtful things, never lied, never cheated, never left.
I thought everyone went to college, but if you didn't, no one would bash you about it.
I thought your friends were your friends and they would stay your friends forever.
I thought everyone who said 'I love you' would mean it with their whole heart - like I did - and would prove it.
I thought when people said 'Okay', everyone would know and understand how much trust went into that four-letter word.
I thought heartbreaks were something in movies and books.

I think it's insane how innocent a young mind can be - full of love and hope and expectations.  But once you hit a certain age, you experience all sorts of different twists and turns and you finally have to realize that...this world is messed up.  It's broken.  And it's actually just life.  And you have to live it.

And you learn.  And you hurt.  And you might even break sometimes.  But never completely.  Because even when you feel broken, you need to remind yourself that you've survived 100% of your worst days, so you got this.  You're not dead.  You're just down.  And you need to pick yourself back up.  Be your own little hero in this world of villains.

And amidst the trauma and chaos, there will always be that innocent little wish for love and hope in this life.  It's small.  Like a little flickering candle.  Sometimes wavering, sometimes dim.  But it's there.  And it's something to always look for.  Keep wishing.  Keep hoping.  Keep praying.

Because I promise, God is still there too.


  1. This is really great Raquel! Every single thing you mentioned in this post are things I always knew in the back of my head growing up, but this past year almost every one of them became the realities I never wanted. I am learning more and more, though, that God is still here in the mess. And it is always encouraging to know I'm not the only one. :)

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  3. Beautiful post! I believed all those things as well. It's sad how our view changes and we face reality as we grow older. I wish things could be how our innocent minds saw them. Thanks for sharing! :)