"Heartbroken" is the term so often used to describe someone who has loved and lost.
You think that this pain will never cease. That it will just be something you get used to after an adequate amount of time has passed. It's not what you pictured life to be like a while ago, but hey, does anyone get the life they dreamed of?
And now you're afraid that this is all you'll ever know. How you loved, and how you lost, and how this writhing pain in your broken heart is just 'how life goes'.
You look back at the mass destruction of what used to be the love of your life. A love so passionate and strong that a wildfire couldn't burn it out. Or so you thought. But now it all lays in ruins around you and you think to yourself, "We must not have been that strong after all." But to quote a favorite author of mine:
"That's the thing about a broken heart - it never fully breaks. It bruises; it stumbles. It might even fracture. But it can rebuild. It's one of the strongest muscles, after all."
- Ari Eastman
Right now, you may be reading this with puffy red eyes from crying yourself to sleep last night. Or you may have a stern, set look on your face because fine, it's over, you're moving on. But everyone feels some degree of pain after a heart wrenching end to a love. And nothing like it will ever happen to you again.
But hey, I have news for you. Love is not a restricted feeling. Love is not something you get a one time shot at and if you fail, oops you're done, disqualified, no more chances.
No. Love is a part of life. Love is a passion. A livelihood to any human soul. We were created with hearts, and the desire to love and be loved. It cannot be created again. It's already instilled in us. And it can't be destroyed. It can only be changed.
When someone has been 'heart broken', they sometimes say something along the lines of "I will never love again". Oh but dear heart, you will. I promise you will. It will never be exactly the way it was before. Because how can you love two different people in the same exact way and form? You can't.
Your first love will always have a place in your heart. It was a special, life-changing kind of love. Something you had never felt before.
Loving a second time doesn't decrease or dismiss the first love you had. Yes, everything you had was real. Yes, everything was perfect.
But no, your heart isn't broken.
And yes, you can love again.
Someday, some time.
A time when you won't be able to stop it. It will just be. It will just occur, contrary to your heart's demands.
And when it does, I hope you embrace it. I hope you find healing from your first heart crush - by knowing that it was a beautiful thing while it lasted, and it was true and it was real. And now it's time to feel again.
And give that natural drive a second chance.
"Like ivy on a building, love has a way of growing out of control. One day, it's a little shrub by the sidewalk, and suddenly it's all we can think of... It's like a man against nature. Frankly, my dear, you're powerless to stop it."
- Ari Eastman