6.03.2016

I Tried Tinder For Five Days | A Perspective On Online Dating


I've never been opposed to online dating.  I know quite a few couples who've met through Christian Mingle, eHarmony, even Facebook, Instagram or blogs.  And a large percentage of them have gotten married.  
I believe God can use ANY means to bring two individuals together.  And in this day and age, you can sure as heck meet, be attracted to, become interested in and start dating people through social medias.  You never know what you'll find.  But you shouldn't count on it 100% working all the time, for every single person, including yourself.

I decided to give this online dating thing a go.  Partly from intrigue, partly from being open to meeting someone, and partly as research.  To see what the big deal was about anyway.
It went pretty well...at first.  It wasn't as if I was extremely lonely or felt "doomed" to singleness.  Some days I honestly couldn't imagine myself being okay with committing to a relationship again.

I met quite a few guys via several different dating apps.  I was attracted to some, I developed an interest in some, I could even go so far as to say that I developed a crush on some of these guys that I met online.  I went on a few first dates too, that all went well - a couple of whom wanted to see me for a second or third date.  (Sorry, no First Date Horror Stories for you.)
But the truth is, after just a few days of swiping right and being matched, I felt that online dating had calloused me.  I didn't have as much of a desire as I once did to 'put myself out there' and 'see who I'll meet'.  They could tell me how attracted they were to my face and body.  Some were even decent enough to say they were attracted to my heart and personality.  They told me how much they enjoyed our conversations, but I was always wondering how long it would last.  How long before they got bored of me?  How long before they made it clear that they didn't have serious intentions?

And that's when I realized something...
I had allowed online dating to unintentionally make me label guys 'future disappointments'.  
Or believe that I will disappoint them.  
So a part of my brain kept saying, "You're just never gonna be good enough."

And that's a lie.

Because I know my self-worth.  I know I am valuable.  I want to be respected.  I want to be cared for.  

Honestly, I think there are more cons than pros when it comes to meeting someone through the internet.  Getting cat-fished, to name one.  Or worse yet, you become callous to every person who hits you up with a "Hey, what's up?" after you were matched with them.
Sure, the initial "It's a match!" boosts your confidence...for about five seconds.  But the truth is, all the messages and faces will just mesh into a blur and you'll only be swiping right out of pure boredom.  
Or you'll have a good, steady messaging-back-and-forth going with one guy, but the next day, won't hear from him.  Next week his account will be deleted.  And next week, you're left feeling depressed and wondering, "What did I do wrong?"

Like I said, online dating has worked for some individuals.  Some people just match and click and know and don't have any doubts that they're meant for each other.  I am so happy for those couples.

Others, like myself, would much rather do without being bored and swiping right.

If online dating isn't the thing for you either, then quit it.  It's as simple as click 'Delete My Account' and then removing the app from your phone.

And that is why I tried Tinder for five days and then was like "Screw this.  I deserve better."

8 comments:

  1. Online dating is not something I plan on trying, but like you, I know girls who have met their future husbands via online dating websites. I'm happy for the people I who it's worked for, but in today's culture, the idea of it is more "frightening" than it's worth. For now, that's enough incentive to stay away.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Rissi. Yeah, online dating isn't for everyone. I'm happy for the ones it has worked out for thought:)

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  2. Hello Requel. I am once again privileged to visit your blog post. This time I went through your love story with Jesus. I am so much blesed to read this love story. I did write an email to you in the month of January 2016 hopefully you have gone through it. I would love to stay connected with you. It would be a joy if you come to Mumbai, India to be with our young people to encourage them in their daily walk with the Lord. I am sure it is will be a rewarding time for you and strengthening and encouraging time for our young people. God's richest blesings on you, your family and friends.

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    1. Hi there! I don't think I ever received an email from you. Please try re-sending it?
      Thank you for your encouraging words. I'm blessed to know that God has touched you through my testimony of my relationship with Him.
      Blessings to you as well!

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  3. Raquel, this was a great post--thank you for sharing your feelings. I have nothing against online dating either, but it's good to know another Christian woman's perspective on it. It's not something I plan on trying anytime in the near future, but if I do, I'll be able to keep your thoughts in mind.
    -
    Hannah

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    1. Hey girl, I'm glad it was an insightful read for you:) Thanks for your comment.

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  4. Raquel, thanks for sharing your perspective and for approaching the online dating scene from a godly perspective. I have mixed feelings about online dating. I don't have anything against the concept, but I think the success of online dating depends on a lot of different variables and one of those variables is the forum and website itself. Different online dating websites draw different crowds and are formatted in ways to suite people from varying beliefs, backgrounds, etc.

    One of my best friends is getting married within the next week and she met her fiancee online. Their relationship isn't necessarily my ideal, but they are both very godly people,perfect for each other, and she is so happy.

    My oldest sister tried online dating a few years ago. She was in one relationship that lasted quite a while and did not end very well (but we're glad it ended) and then she stayed on the website, met a few people online, met some of them in person, and eventually got off the website altogether.

    And then not even two years ago, her now-husband walked into our church one Sunday morning. They were dating a couple months later, engaged six months after that, and married a few months after their engagement!

    I'm reluctant to join the online dating community because whether you "succeed or fail" on it, I feel to some extent you are giving up on your ideal. At the very least, I would be giving up on the kind of natural-formed relationship I envision in my future. And I'm willing to wait for that because I know it's not impossible that the right man will simply walk into my life one day.

    Dani xoxo
    a vapor in the wind

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  5. Great blog web page ...Thanks for your amazing details, the material are silent exciting.I will be awaiting your next publish. OKCupid apps

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