I feel like I care too much sometimes.
I literally forget all the bad that certain people have done to me and remember only the good things, the good memories, the good times. I remember all the good talks we had, the fun times, the laughs, the craziness. And I want that back.
But not the bad.
Not the times they lied to my face or manipulated me or made me feel like I was the worst human alive. I don't want that. I just want the good. Because that's all I see in them.
I literally have to remind myself why I shouldn't go see them or pick up my phone to text or call them. Or add them back as a friend on Facebook after they deleted me. I have to be like "No, Raquel, that person hurt you. They didn't care for you like they should have. They don't deserve you in their life"...
I miss people so much. I forgive so easily. I forget too quickly.
Is this a fault or a folly? Is this a problem - that I get attached so quickly? And that once I decide to care for someone, I do everything in my power to please them and make them happy.
It's never about what I want or how I want them to treat me. I've been walked on, taken for granted of, manipulated, and yet, I still care for those people. Is there something wrong with me? I give people so many chances. People who don't give me the time of day, people who don't deserve my time or friendship. I know that. Yet I can't help but care for them. Once I love someone, I let them into my heart. And they're there to stay.
I'm sure you've all heard the saying "Don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you". But I'm the opposite. Do cross oceans for people, I would say! Love people, all people, every person you come in contact with. No conditions attached. No payment required. Nothing demanded in return. Don't question whether you think they're worthy of being loved or not, because as a creation of God, they do deserve to be cared for. Living and loving isn't about what you gain, but about what you can give.
But I have decided that sometimes it's okay to let go.
Just because I'm letting go doesn't mean I don't care for that person anymore. You can be separate from someone, some thing and still care for them. But simply that, for my own sake, for my own well being, it's best to close the door to certain relationships. Maybe just for now, maybe forever.
But regardless, you can't control the way they treat you or the way they react to your words.
You are only in control of yourself.
And being in control of yourself means caring for yourself, and your heart. So sometimes, it's okay to say goodbye.