9.16.2016

To Care Too Much

I feel like I care too much sometimes.  


I literally forget all the bad that certain people have done to me and remember only the good things, the good memories, the good times.  I remember all the good talks we had, the fun times, the laughs, the craziness.  And I want that back.  
But not the bad.  
Not the times they lied to my face or manipulated me or made me feel like I was the worst human alive.  I don't want that.  I just want the good.  Because that's all I see in them.  

I literally have to remind myself why I shouldn't go see them or pick up my phone to text or call them.  Or add them back as a friend on Facebook after they deleted me.  I have to be like "No, Raquel, that person hurt you.  They didn't care for you like they should have.  They don't deserve you in their life"...

I miss people so much.  I forgive so easily.  I forget too quickly.

Is this a fault or a folly?  Is this a problem - that I get attached so quickly?  And that once I decide to care for someone, I do everything in my power to please them and make them happy.  

It's never about what I want or how I want them to treat me.  I've been walked on, taken for granted of, manipulated, and yet, I still care for those people.  Is there something wrong with me?  I give people so many chances.  People who don't give me the time of day, people who don't deserve my time or friendship. I know that.  Yet I can't help but care for them.  Once I love someone, I let them into my heart.  And they're there to stay.

I'm sure you've all heard the saying "Don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you".  But I'm the opposite.  Do cross oceans for people, I would say!  Love people, all people, every person you come in contact with.  No conditions attached.  No payment required.  Nothing demanded in return.  Don't question whether you think they're worthy of being loved or not, because as a creation of God, they do deserve to be cared for.  Living and loving isn't about what you gain, but about what you can give.

But I have decided that sometimes it's okay to let go. 

Just because I'm letting go doesn't mean I don't care for that person anymore.  You can be separate from someone, some thing and still care for them.  But simply that, for my own sake, for my own well being, it's best to close the door to certain relationships.  Maybe just for now, maybe forever. 
But regardless, you can't control the way they treat you or the way they react to your words.  
You are only in control of yourself.
And being in control of yourself means caring for yourself, and your heart.  So sometimes, it's okay to say goodbye.
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11 comments:

  1. Raquel, sometimes caring for someone means separating yourself from them. The Apostle Paul exhorted the church to separate themselves from unrepentant sinners (1 Corinthians 5), not to be cruel or hateful, but to communicate to that brother or sister that sin breaks and hurts relationships, most importantly it hurts our relationship with Jesus, and to pretend it doesn't is nothing short of deceit.

    When we care for and love someone, our first priority has to be their holiness before God, their sanctification and growth in grace. That doesn't mean we punish them for hurting us or make conditional terms for our love, but it does mean that we clearly communicate to them that their sin creates a rift in the relationship and sometimes we have to communicate this by our separation in the hope that maybe God will use this to convict them of what they did wrong.

    We are also commanded in the New Testament to be quick to forgive and to turn the other cheek. I like your balanced approach and I know from personal experience how difficult it is to not blindly follow emotional impulses. I have to be careful to not justify all my actions simply because they are motivated out of genuine care and love.

    If I am honest, sometimes it's more than love, sometimes it's idolatry and I need to separate myself from people simply because I've turned them and my emotional attachment into a personal idol. It's not easy to make all those distinctions. Emotions are messy and I'm so thankful God is gracious, loving, and patient in spite of all our confusion.

    Thanks for your honesty and insight, Raquel!

    Dani xoxo
    a vapor in the wind

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    1. Good words, Dani. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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  2. mmm, this was good. I struggle with this too... so much. And I think your conclusion is good. <3

    Lorraine // Laurel Crowned

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    1. I think everyone does, to some degree or another... Thank you for reading and commenting!

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  3. Thankyou, this reminder was incredibly timely.

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  4. This is perfect. I'm definitely a lover not a hater... :p

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  5. Did you somehow sneak into my mind or something? Because this entire post, I just sat here kind of drop-jawed. This is me to a T. It seems like with every person who's hurt me, I find myself wanting to be friends with them again, to let them back in. I guess when you have a lot of great memories with someone, it's hard to let them go, isn't it?

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