I've heard many women of my generation complain about “how chivalry is dead” and “guys don't know how to treat us well anymore” and how they “wish we could go back to the day and age where men were real men and respected us”.
My question back to them is always - Well, are you giving them an example of a true woman and someone who deserves respect?
I am NOT saying that guys should treat women the way their character deserves to be respected. (Because, honestly, I think women should be treated with dignity across the board - no matter her age or occupation. And men don't treat women half as well as they should.)
Are the women of this day and age setting an example, being a woman, demanding the respect and treatment they deserve as the female sex?
I remember a time when a a guy friend of mine paid me one of the greatest compliments I have ever received. He said: ‘You deserve recognition [as a lady]. You make me want to be a better gentleman.’
When he told me that, I was like "Wow". I felt a sense of accomplishment, in being able to encourage my guy friend to feel the need to be a better gentleman. And the fact that he felt that his chivalry wouldn’t go unnoticed by me - because I actually care that men act like gentlemen - was flattery in itself.
I am disgusted by the way women treat men these days, but yet they still insist on being treated well. You should do unto others what you would have them do to you, right? That's a Bible verse that is constantly quoted - when it's in a person's favor to use it. But when it's used on them, it's suddenly "something from an old book full of stories". I'm serious. I'm done seeing guys trampled on and walked all over, but made to treat women like queens, to have their feet be kissed and every wish and whim fulfilled.
A friend of mine texted me today and said that after two successful dates with a girl who he really liked - and who claimed to really like him - she suddenly stopped returning his texts and phone calls. Just flat out dropped off the face of the earth. Not one peep of a message back to him. Now there is absolutely no excuse for that. She didn’t block his number. She just ignored him. You don’t ignore someone for however many days. Even if I’m extremely busy with work and family and life stuff, I always try to make an effort to let people know “Hey, I’m busy at the moment. I’ll get back to you when I have more time to focus on a conversation.”
My friend asked me why women can't just be upfront and honest, but kind at the same time. They're either brutally extreme or don’t communicate in the least. Now what kind of an example is that setting for the guys we want to be kind and honest with us?! Women are always saying "Why can't he just tell me if he likes me or not?" And "Why can't he just talk to me or ask me out instead of being so shy around me?" Well, why can't you do the same thing? Why can't you be honest and tell him "Yes, I am interested in you" or "No, I would rather decline a date invitation, but thank you for asking”? There's a way to do things in a straightforward, direct, yet nice way.
Something I've noticed about women is how hard it seems for them to say "no". And I get it. We're sensitive creatures. We're afraid of hurting a guy's feelings. But hey, this is the real world. Feelings are always going to get hurt. If you're honest and upfront with them, that's the best way to go about anything. But be kind at the same time. And the way a guy responds to your answer is not in your control. You don't control the way he reacts. A good, sensible, respectful man who respects you - and women in general - will be mature about any and all responses that he receives.
There was a guy who I had gone out with twice. He was super sweet, we got along well, he was very creative in his date planning, just an overall super sweet guy. I didn't feel any special connection or feelings with or for him, though, and when I ended up dating another guy, I told guy #1 - "Hey, I just want you to know that I'm not interested in pursuing anything with you and you deserve to know that I am seeing someone now so please refrain from pursuing me." The guy I was with at the time said that guy #1 was going to totally flip after reading that text from me, but guess what?
He responded with maturity.
He said something along the lines of "Thank you for telling me. I hope that whoever you with knows what a lucky guy he is."
Now that, ladies and gentleman, is a sign of a good, sweet, kind, mature man. He knows how to take rejection. Not in the pity-party "oh she played me" sort of bullcrap way, but “oh she found someone who makes her happy and for that, I am happy". He set an example for me. And I will always be grateful for that, and respect him for the way he chose to react.
If women are asking why chivalry is dead, then maybe that's a reflection of the examples - or lack - of courtesy and grace that men are receiving from the women around them.
So I challenge you, my fellow women, if you're demanding respect, give the men something to esteem and honor.
I know that I will probably get bombarded with feminist comments and emails on this article. Maybe something along the lines of "your article was sexist" or "not a tribute to strong women". But, trust me, I'm saving that for another time.