5.02.2017

"I am just a person but thank the Lord that I serve a God who's perfect"

Everyone talks about hitting rock bottom, but what they don’t specify is how differently it will happen to each of us
See, for me, it was hurting the person who I love most in this world and knowing that the pain I felt wasn’t just my own; it was theirs too.
Coming to such a point in life made me realize some big changes needed to happen.  It took hitting rock bottom to sort of wake me up, as it were.  I knew my life needed a new direction, but I guess I had just been too scared to admit it.
I had tried before.  I had tried to make things different.
To be different.
To start over.
To be a new person.
But I felt like the dragon Eustace who shed skin after skin only to realize that no matter how many times he did it himself, it wouldn’t come off completely
The sin, the dirt, the life he had been living could only be changed and could only be removed by the deep, cutting claws of the untamed Aslan
This is what I learned in my own life.
Hitting rock bottom for me involved seeing how much one little mistake, one little decision, could affect not only myself, but others.
It could hurt not only myself, but the one I love the most.
I was humbled beyond any point I have ever been.
I was disgusted with myself and who I had become.
I was disappointed that I had chosen such a path and had been pretending like everything was okay.
Or thinking it was going to be, anyway.
The only thing one can do when they reach that point is to make a decision -
And there’s really only one.
I could choose to change.
I'm the only person who can resolve to do so.
I'm in charge of my life and what I do, and how I live it.
And no, I'm not perfect.
I'm going to screw up.
Everybody does.
But choosing to learn from those mistakes and deciding to apply the lesson to my tomorrow is what makes me a stronger individual.
It hurts…
Hitting rock bottom.
I didn't realize how much until it happened to me.
I cried for a whole day afterwards, wondering how in the world I was going to pick up all the pieces and try to continue living life.
But what I didn’t realize is that I’m not the one in charge of making my life beautiful.
I’m not writing my story.
Yes, I have free will.
And yes, I can decide which path to take in life.
But regardless of that, He’s already been there - 
And sometimes, He needs to chip away at all the nastiness that has built up until nothing is left but crumbled pieces of myself.
Something I have seen and testified with my own eyes is that He specializes in making beauty from ashes.
Oh it’s one of His favorite things to do!
And isn’t it just like Him to go above and beyond anything we could ever ask or imagine?
Cuz that’s just what He does.
So in the momentary pain of reaping the consequences from a simple little stupid choice, I can still move forward, I can still live another day, knowing with absolute certainty that if I set my mind to becoming a different person, I won’t be fighting alone.  
He’s on my side.  He’s still got me.  
And He just loves me.  

It’s as overwhelming, yet uncomplicated as that.

1 comment:

  1. I just found your blog and I was happy reading this post. I almost cried cos you had just describe your feelings precisely to what I felt months ago. This was on point. Happy to follow your blog :)

    PS: I love The Chronicles of Narnia too :D

    Check me on: trulyfionaa.blogspot.com

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