7.28.2017

"Nothing Will Ruin Your Twenties More Than...


...thinking you should have your life together already."



This statement resonated so deeply with me.

The path to our destination is not always a straight one.  It's a rather scenic route.  But maybe it's not about which road we take, but what we embark on.  Is it on our own judgement and the way we feel?  Or the truth that our soul knows and can trust?

Life is amazing and awful all at the same time.  And in between these climax moments is the routine, the everyday, the ordinary.  But the truth is that each of these times has significance in your growth.  If you were to fast forward ten years from now and choose to look back on these moments, you will see why they had to happen and for what purpose.

God says, "You're gonna be happy, but first, I'm gonna make you strong."  Because without the painful times of maturing, you won't enjoy the good times as much.

I know people who graduated college at the age of 19.  I know people who were making a million dollar budget by the time they were 25.  I know people who are single and have children.  Or people who are married but waited 5-10 years before having children.  I know people who love each other but aren't together.  Or people who hate each other but are married.  There are people waiting to love and who have so much love to offer.  You don't have to do anything just because you see others doing them or because someone tells you that it's what you should do.  I promise that the day you stop giving weight to people's opinions of what you "need to do" with your life, is the day you will feel free.

The point is, everything in life happens according to the time allotted us.  It may not seem fair, but the beauty of trusting in a sovereign Creator is knowing that He has a purpose through it all.  You may look at your friends and think "Oh they have their lives together", "They're so far ahead, and I'm so far behind", or "Why can't my life look more like theirs?"

Be patient.

You're right where you're supposed to be.

The best advice I've been given as a twenty-something year old is:  l e a r n.  Ask questions, make mistakes, learn from them, don't regret things because you never lose in life.

You either win or you learn.

7.13.2017

Are You Ready To Be In A Relationship?


This article isn't some sort of quiz or step-by-step process to figure out if you have "what it takes" to be in a relationship.  It's an article to help figure out for yourself if you believe you are ready.

Since when is it hard to be loyal and committed?  Since when does "being in love" mean just a phrase, not a deep soulful promise?  Why even try to be in a relationship if you're not ready or willing to commit to one person?  Figure out what you want before you go around investing time, energy and emotions into relationship after relationship.

You want to meet someone, have deep conversations with them, hang out, feel a connection, see that they prove their loyalty, and if it leads to something more, that's amazing.

I get that.

But if you're still figuring your life out and trying to understand who you are as a person, then don't mistake love for lust.  No one is in a hurry, but almost everyone is looking for that special someone to spend the rest of their life with.  You can so easily make them think you want more than you're making apparent.  That's when it can get messy, and that isn't fair for either of you.

Sure, there are instances when people misread your friendliness as interest.  Or you really did like them, but after a few dates, you just don't see it working out.  That happens.  And that's okay.  But learning the difference between being ready to pursue something or not will save you a lot of awkwardness and heartache.

I think that one of the greatest mistakes people make these days is thinking that "all it takes is to have a boyfriend/girlfriend".  "All it'll take to make them happy will be to have a significant other".  "Being in a relationship will be the best thing that's ever happened to them".
And no matter if they verbally admit to this or not, more than half of my generation most likely believes this.

But the truth is, a relationship isn't going to fix anything.  It's only going to make life harder.  Relationships take work.  Of course they're not as difficult when both people know how to communicate and know how to deal with issues correctly and maturely, but that's a skill that should be honed before committing to a relationship, you know?
All these "taking breaks from him/her" isn't how relationships should work.  If a few months into dating, you "need a break" from them, it's usually you that's the problem.  If you truly care for someone, you deal with your crap before you even start a relationship.  And if you actually end up marrying that person, you won't be able to "take breaks".  So learn now, okay?

I'm not saying that you have to have your life altogether before even considering dating someone.  You'll never have it altogether.  That's part of being a human.  You're always going to be working at improving yourself and the environment around you - even while you're dating, even when you're married.  But do you think it's fair to someone for them to be dating an individual who doesn't know what they want in life, doesn't know who they are, doesn't have goals, doesn't know how to handle conflict, doesn't know how to trust someone because they have huge trust issues in their past, etc.?

I'll answer for you.

No, it's not.

So the next question to ask yourself is - are you ready to be in a relationship?

And I'll let you answer that one.


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This article was originally a guest post over at Embrace This Joyful Life.