8.28.2017

"Honest Feelings & Bad Timing Make the Most Painful Combinations"

I wish I had been brilliant enough to come up with that title, but no, as you see, it's in quotes.  I found it while scrolling through my Twitter feed.  I just had to save it to my phone because wow is it relatable, truthful, and inspiring.

I feel that many times we express our thoughts and feelings out of honesty and knowing that vulnerability is key to relationships and blossoming beginnings, but damn, occasionally the timing seems to be all wrong.  And I hate that.  I know it's not "wrong" because I believe that every last second is penned by a sovereign Master Planner, but in my finite mind, I wonder if things could've happened at a different time and actually worked out a different way, you know?  (At first, I typed "worked out.", but then thought "No.  It did work out.  Maybe not in the way I wanted it to, but it did, somehow end up at a certain end.")

There are always going to be "what if" moments in life.  And the majority of the time, we'll never have the answer to "why" or "why not".  But this should never stop us from being hopeful, from continuing to wonder, continue to pursue.  Honest feelings are good 100% of the time.  Because nothing is better than being honest and conveying your thoughts and feelings.  Bad timing is another thing, though, because you really should try to convey your honest feelings at an appropriate time.  But even if you think you did, and nothing comes of baring your heart, don't let that discourage you.  It just wasn't meant to be.  Plain and simple.  Sucky, I know, but true.

One area of honest feelings and bad timing happens often in the arena of love and relationships...

As a 20-something year old, I have a much different idea of what love is compared to what my 5-year old self thought.  When I was younger, "love" seemed like a far off fairytale dream.  I saw it lived out in my parents' marriage, and in my little mind, love was when Dad and Mama kissed or held hands and told us children that they loved each other.  It was something that made me feel safe.  That never made me doubt whether my parents would ever not be together.  As I've matured, love has become something I have learned a lot about.  Yes, there are times that it's soft and fragile, but more often than not, it's harsh.  Love is something to be feared.  It's a raw passion, an explosive firework; it's something reckless, real and dangerous.  This shouldn't make oneself afraid to fall in love, though.  Your heart is the strongest muscle in your body.  And your soul is the most powerful part of a human - for it is eternal.  And something eternal can, and will always, withstand the power of love.

I think probably the most difficult part of relationships comes from the way people inevitably change over time.  When you make a commitment, you're not only saying "yes" to the person you have grown to love in the present moment, but you're saying "yes" to continue loving and cherishing the person they will yet become in the future.  Whether you like the changes or not, you're choosing to love them through it all.  And sometimes, you are willing to love them wholly and fully, but they aren't.  And the honest feelings + bad timing becomes very apparent.  But here's the thing:
Love should feel secure and safe, yet have a wild side too.  You need someone who loves you enough to match your effort.  Most importantly, you need to know that love is important to life.  At the end of the day, all that's going to matter is love - and how you connected with the individuals around you, how deeply you loved them, how much of yourself you gave to them.  Don't ever think that a broken heart should stop you from feeling and giving love.

Now close your eyes and breathe.  And please understand that you are still young, and the universe is infinite, and no matter if you find human, physical love, God's grace and unending love will always be enough.  I believe it will always be the perfect piece that fits into that lonely, empty space in your heart.  No human could ever fill that void.  And if you need a perspective of the kind of love God has for us, here's a quote from an amazing man who I greatly look up to -

"Our loveliness to God doesn't rise and fall with our usefulness.  We are not a commodity for Him to use.  We are a treasure that He gave everything to buy back."
- Mike Donehey

1 comment:

  1. Raquel,you are such a lovely and intelligent human. The way you think about matters that some of us wouldn't think too much about always leaves me shocked, in a good way. Love really is something else. I needed to hear this! Thank you!

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