9.22.2019

This is my awakening


Having a spirit truly fascinates me.  

The mere fact that my body is not only home to a brain and heart, but also a soul is just astounding.
  
Being in touch with my spirit, feeling feelings, knowing emotions, is all something that has come with time.

The journey of awakening to realize my inner power and strength began about three years ago.  I felt myself being drawn to certain energies, desiring to learn more about certain things, wanting to have a deeper connection to my self.  But I think what was truly the biggest stepping stone for me (and most recent) was suffering the extremely painful end of an unhealthy relationship.  (This in no way is a platform to drag my ex’s identity through the mud.  He had no way of knowing or controlling his behavior because when an individual is as hurt and broken as he was, blindness is a common factor in their life.)  I am thankful for what I experienced through being his lover, though, because walking away from that painful season was what launched me into discovering more about who I truly am, as a spirit, and what I am capable of becoming, as a human.  

Life-altering circumstances in your journey will first hurt you, but oh, then they will change you.  And when you teach yourself to heal, when you teach yourself to build from the ground up, when you realize you have nothing left but me, myself and I, that is the perfect soil for planting new seeds, a new start, a new life.  And you will discover a strength in you that you didn't know existed.
This fragile time is not something to put on blast right away, though.  Remember that.  “There is a season for everything” - including when to acknowledge your pain and also, when to let others know you survived.  And just because you are discreet about it at first doesn’t mean you are being fake.  You are grieving in privacy.  And that is okay.  

But the time for my grieving is over.  

My God is faithful to bring things to completion, to “finish the good work He started”.  The old is gone, the new has come.  And with a full heart, I can say that I am thankful for this journey that He sovereignly ordained to teach me about myself, about my identity, and about who He has called me to be.  As summer comes to a close, and my favorite time of year begins, I thought it would be the perfect time to celebrate my awakening.

I have shared bits and pieces of my healing journey in the past but I have since entered a new season of acknowledging my wholeness and beauty as an independent and empowered woman so.. get ready, peeps.  


“I thought that I would never breathe.  I thought the pain would never leave.  But You’re redeeming everything.  This is my awakening.  I’m never going back to sleep.  How could I after what I’ve seen?”


Being awakened isn’t some voodoo nuance that involves summoning spirits and calling on dead relatives for guidance.  Being awakened is about discovering your inner power, realizing that you have more potential than you could have imagined, and embracing your journey of self.  Not everyone experiences it the same way.  Your own awakening will come in your own timing, whether that be based off of a life-changing event or when you hit rock bottom.  It might happen slowly, like a sunset filling the sky with colors.  Or it will just click in your heart and brain at the same time, like how a day changes from 11:59 to 12:00 in one second.  

But the most important thing to remember is that your awakening will happen when you manifest the desire for it.  
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind”.  
“Be mindful of your heart for from it flow the springs of life”.  
Be aware of the energy you are putting out into the world.  
Above all, be open to receive what the LORD desires to bestow on you.  And get ready to be filled to the brim, my friends, for my God does not give meager portions.  

Be blessed.  

You are fully known and fully loved.

“My cup overflows…”

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The photo I chose for this post is one that I feel has a lot of significance because of the shirt that I'm wearing.  I got it when Amanda Cook was touring with Hillsong and had just released the "House On a Hill" album.  Her song, "Awakening", has been my theme since the day it came out.

9.12.2019

The power you already have


I think there is a very blurred line between thinking that “the devil is attacking me” and our own souls just feeling burdened.  We were created to be empathetic.  And as spiritual beings, we are sensitive to the spirits and energies around us.  We give the devil too much credit, though.  Jesus has already won.  The devil is defeated.  Yet how many people in the world say that “the devil is tormenting them”, when in reality, he is NOT omnipresent so to say that he (satan) is attacking several of us at the same time can not be possible. 


So what is it then?


The Word speaks very clearly that we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the cosmic forces of the present darkness, against the evil spirits of the unseen world --

and this includes fear, depression, anxiety, doubt, oppression, discouragement, shame, etc. 

These are NOT from God, but they can still affect us if we allow them to

This is why it is so important to put on the armor of God that He has provided us with - spiritual battle gear so that our eternal souls can fight through speaking truth, living righteously, sharing the gospel of peace, fearlessly praying, etc. (read Ephesians 6, people)

The last few days have been some of the most emotionally difficult ones that I have had in quite some time.  It kind of hit me out of nowhere, honestly.  And as I pondered why I was feeling so drained, I recalled that I had been made aware of two suicides over the weekend, overheard a girl being verbally torn down by her ex-boyfriend, was asked to pray for a friend who is following God's calling to move across the country even though she is penniless, experienced betrayal and confusion in my personal life, and was also told that my future plans for the next few months were going to change drastically.


To say I’ve been “overwhelmed” is an understatement. 

To say I felt weighed down and oppressed and lowkey stressed would be very accurate.

I challenged myself to spend more time in the Word, to journal and write out my thoughts and feelings, to ground myself in nature because these are my usual go-tos for getting out of funks. 


But none of them seemed to work. 

And honestly, it took everything in me to unravel myself from a fetal position in bed and go in to work with a smile on my face.  I was dragging.  I felt on the verge of a breakdown.

When my lunch break arrived, I clocked out, almost ran to my car and blasted some worship music (another strategy of mine).  Still nothing.  I felt a darkness continue to loom over me.  A cloud of oppression, tinged with this odd guilt that I realized was coming from knowing that I - a strong, Spirit-filled woman - couldn’t get out of this stupid mood. 

That’s when it hit me.


I paused the worship song and declared this out loud:


"You know what?  Oppression and fear have NO place in my body, mind and soul.  At the name of Jesus, every fear is defeated, every negativity crumbles, every dark force is shunned by light, and I am filled with His Spirit and holy power!"


Immediately, I felt that blanket of darkness lift and I was filled with joy.  It was like I had switched a light on in a pitch black room.  There was an instant reaction.  A physical change.  I can’t even accurately describe it.  This gives the moment no credit whatsoever but gosh, I smiled.  I was set free.  I took back my identity and wielded my power.  

There is a certain kind of authority in speaking words of life out loud over yourself and your situations.  I think because we rely too heavily on pushing thoughts away, keeping feelings to ourselves, not letting our emotions control us, that the thought of taking a verbal, physical action like that can seem strange.  But when we stop and gather our words and release them into our environment, they are brought to life. They are weapons of victory.

We have everything we need to fight against the evil in this world.  We have the power to defeat the dark spirits.  Imagine how different this world would be if every person who claimed to know the life-altering love of God would claim their identity as spiritual warriors and went to battle as one body?!  There would be a radical awakening of empowered believers.

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This is just one personal testimony (among many!) that I have, and honestly, it started out as an Instagram caption but God was like "Naw, you have to share this on the blog."  So here I am.

Oh and the icing on the cake was that He painted a gorgeous sunset for me to watch on my drive home from work.  I was like “Mmmmkay, I see You, Jesus."