6 Steps To Finding The Man of Your Dreams

It's possible, girlies.  Not necessarily 'easy', but maybe you could give it a try. 
Here are six simple steps...

Step 1:  Realize.
Realize that there is no such thing as 'the perfect man' (TPM from here on out), but there is such a thing as the man of your dreams.  So many girls have bought into this idea that TPM exists, and that they should be on the lookout for him.
Well, he doesn't exist.  And the sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be.

Step 2:  Admit.
The only kind of man you should be praying for is the perfect man for you.  If it is in God's design that you marry, God has made the perfect match for you.  Learn to admit that this man may not meet up to all of your expectations or what you consider to be 'perfect', but if he is the one for you, he will be the perfect man for you to marry.

Step 3:  Have.
Have high standards, not impossible standards.  I think that much of the time, there can be an insane amount of pressure on men to live up to a godly girl's standards.  Girls should have high standards, no doubt about it.  So should guys.  But not all Christian individuals are going to be so 'good' that every requirement will be checked off of said lists.  That's unrealistic and, frankly, hypocritical.  How would you like to know that a guy is comparing your character and personality traits to what he considers 'the perfect girl'?  
You'd think it's unfair.  People are flawed.  We fail at things.  Including you, and including him.  But if you both are matching each other's characters to Biblical standards, then neither one of you can justifiably complain.

As a friend of mine said, "If there is one thing that life has taught me, it's that human standards lead to human plans, and human plans lead to problems."

Step 4:  Know.
Morals are good.  Standards are good.  But until a girl genuinely knows what makes a true Christian man, she will keep looking in all the wrong places.  To search for a man of God isn't about looking for a guy who has an attractive face, a nice body, and oh!  He loves Jesus.  What makes a man godly, husband-material is not 'he needs to be perfect like Him' (because this is impossible for any human being), but 'he is striving towards that godliness' - regardless of if he can reach it or not.  Is he choosing to be holy as He is holy? Or is he simply comfortable with where he's at and deciding not to even try to be a superhero because duh, no one can possibly achieve that status?
Guys are afraid of showing weakness.  Many have admitted this to me.  They want to be known as strong, protective, and manly men.  But what they need to realize is that brokenness isn't always identified as giving up.  And what you, as a woman, need to know to search for in a man is that he understands the beauty and essence of being broken that actually shows and proves his faith.

Step 5:  Desire.
You should desire a man who must reach a point where he admits that he can't do life on his own, and by giving himself up, he is willing to let Christ take over.
You should desire a man who will challenge you, not one who will let you get away with everything.
You should desire a man who may not always tell you that you're beautiful, but who will make you feel like a million bucks just by the way he looks at you.
You should desire a man who tries to follow God with all his heart instead of trying to hold stuff together on his own strength.
You should desire a man who admits to failure, works at improving, and actually does change.
You should desire a man who you know will raise your children to the glory of God, and who you will always be able to point to as an example to your sons and daughters as a man of God.
You should desire a man who will come home from work smelling like hard labor and want to take you into his arms and kiss the heck out of you even if he's filthy dirty and even if you haven't showered all day, not one who will only love you when you are 'presentable'.  (I guess that's a perfect man status but whatever.)

Step 6:  Strive.
Girls complain about there not being 'enough godly men out there', but where are all the godly women?  Why not start looking at improving your own character and qualities, instead of complaining about no perfect men being available?  I'm sure TPM doesn't like whiners.  Are you striving to be the kind of woman TPM you want is looking for?

The man of your dreams shouldn't be a perfect man.  He should be human, imperfect, characteristically flawed.  Why?  Because that is a good and godly man.  A man who isn't easy, who will challenge you, admonish you, and will relate in the struggle of life.  This kind of man is one who does not do things to be nice, but because he lives by a godly moral code.  He will not do the easy or convenient thing.  He will do the right thing.

That is the man you should dream of marrying one day.

And what a blessing of a man he will be.


"Can I say something to the young ladies?  I'm trying to pick my words carefully here.  Your husband, whoever he is, single ladies, will have an unbelievable amount of influence over your sons and daughters in regards to spiritual things.  If you want your children to love Jesus deeply, hold out for a man who is godly.  And let me tell you this: I am well aware that godly men are rare.  Lots of neat Christian boys, not a lot of godly men.  And we're working our tails off for you to try to develop some into that.  But don't settle, because it's better that you're lonely now than for you to be married and lonely later.  Are you tracking with me?  It is better that you be lonely now than for you to get married to a man who will teach your kids everything but the way of Jesus."
- Matt Chandler

This post was originally published by Raquel on Brave.


  1. Raquel, I love this in so many ways. You pretty much summarized this perfectly. My dad always told me and my sisters that two of the most important qualities in a man were humility and teachability.

    If he has the willingness and humility to learn then it's okay if he doesn't meet all of the required standards. The important thing is that he's actively striving to reach the standards and continues to grow.

    The same goes for women. I have to remind myself that I often fail to meet the high standards I set for myself. I frequently need forgiveness and need people to be patient with me. The important thing is to keep growing.

    Thanks again! I always love reading your posts. :)

    a vapor in the wind

  2. I'm having a hard time finding my true love... I've been single for almost 6 years now.
    Your advice is good what you wrote and I totally agree, but still waiting sucks haha!