My Future Husband Won't Complete Me

In today's culture, I feel like there's one extreme or the other.

1) Men complete women when the two are in a relationship or married


2) Men are just equal people on this earth and add nothing to a woman being her own individual self.

I don't agree with either of these statements.

I don't think anyone completes anyone else.  My future husband won't complete me.  I'm not half of anything.  I am my own human, my own soul.  My heart is already pieced together.  Not by a man, but by my Savior.

I believe God created us as equal humans but with distinct and individual roles.  This doesn't mean that one is inferior to the other.  It simply signifies that we each function differently according to our gender.

My value as a human does not vary according to my relationship status.  My identity and worth is not determined by if I'm in a relationship or married or single.
I am complete already.
I am whole.
I am not a half.
Do I, someday, want to be married and committed to one man and raise children together?  Absolutely.  But that will have no affect on my identification.  My life will change, yes.  I will be known as the wife to a man, and the mother to specific children, but my soul will not be labeled any differently.  I will be "joined together" with a man "as husband and wife" but we're not completing each other.  We're simply adding one whole to another whole to make one big whole as an awesome superpower duo.

But still...
My husband won't complete me.
I am not incapable of being on my own.
I am not half of anything, waiting to be made whole.

This is something we need to teach this world.  Especially this generation.

But we need to learn it first.  We, as women, need to realize this truth about ourselves before we can encourage others to do the same.

"Codependency isn't sexy.  It isn't romantic.  It's build with a fuse and will surely burn out.  The healthiest thing you can say to someone you love is, "I would be okay without you, and that is why I choose to stay."

-LB, "A Few Things About Love"


  1. Raquel, these are great thoughts! Our culture is saturated with the conviction that our sole purpose in life is to find our significant other, our other half. And until we do, we can't find true happiness. We make idols of our emotional attachments when we convince ourselves that we can't live without someone else or that a relationship is the only thing that can fulfill our joy. Unfortunately I think Christians buy into this lie more than we might think.

    How often has marriage been propagated in the Christian community as the key to more happiness? More spirituality? More sanctification? More joy and blessings? Singleness is so often treated as a deficiency, an incompleteness. Obviously marriage does come with its advantages, but I think we put too much emphasis on it, and too frequently make it out to be the #1 way we can serve in and grow Christ's kingdom.

    Dani xoxo
    a vapor in the wind

  2. Definitely agree! I think a lot of marriage problems come from thinking that another person will complete you.
    Great thoughts, Raquel.