Meeting Your Own Criteria

I think it can be safe to say that we all have a certain criteria that we’d like our future spouse to meet.  You pray that he/she is faithful, God-honoring, kind, gentle.  And these are all wonderful characteristics to look for.  But when you put all of that together into the person you would consider "perfect", can you look at yourself and say, "I’m the exact kind of person he/she wants"?

It’s a very humbling and convicting thought.  
And one that I’ve been wondering a lot about lately.  

Am I the kind of person the person I want is looking for?

You want them to love God.  But are you a faithful Christian?
You want them to be loyal.  But are you a loyal person?
You want them to be hard-working.  But do you have a good work ethic and are you goal-oriented?

First of all, remember that there is no such thing as a perfect person.  
Secondly, no matter how much you want to be perfect or "good enough" for the person you want, you can only do so much to cover up your imperfections and hide your mistakes.  You can try to look as good as possible, try to impress people, try to be someone who the person you want would want, but we, as humans, are pretty decent actors.  And if you don’t want your future spouse to be a good actor (a.k.a. liar) to you, then you should be just as brutally honest and transparent as you want them to be with you.  

Oh but I won’t leave you on that borderline depressing, almost heart-aching note.

This world focuses on the outward appearance.  Everywhere we look, the body is glorified, is made more beautiful, is praised.  And yes, here enters the very cliche, overrated line of: But what matters most is what’s in the heart.  This goes hand-in-hand with the fact that we are imperfect, we all have things in our past that we wish we could erase, we have all made mistakes.  But where we are now, who we are now - this is what I want to focus on.

The person God has planned for you is someone who will see you through Christ’s eyes.  And Christ sees you as forgiven and beautiful.  There’s nothing you can ever do to make yourself better.  Jesus already accomplished this.  In His Father’s eyes, you are completely clean. White. Pure. 

"It’s when we see how imperfect we are, that He does the most amazing things in and through us."

You’ll have days that you’ll be super focused on God, feeling good about your spiritual, physical and emotional life, and then whoops! You slip up. You make mistakes. 

You aren’t perfect.  

But neither is your future spouse.  

You’re not the only one who is imperfect.  Your future wife may be wishing she hadn’t said or done that one thing.  Your future husband might be hoping that he’ll never have to face that temptation again.  You’re not alone.  And the love God will give both of you in your union is more than enough to overshadow both of your mistakes.

God is always breaking, healing, stretching and growing us.  If you were perfect, there’d be no more room to grow and learn more about Christ’s love.  And a relationship/marriage is just a bigger step in being taught about Him.  Being in a committed relationship with someone is a process of working together.  Two imperfect people, serving a perfect God, and striving to push each other more towards Him.  

"God uses the most imperfect people to accomplish His perfect will."

You’re focused on your imperfections and how unattractive they are, but God’s grace covers all of them so that even your future spouse will see you for you who are in Jesus - covered in grace and beauty.  "Love covers a multitude of sins."  This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive to be more like Christ.  But while we’re doing that, we don’t have to beat ourselves up over our imperfections.  We can - and must - still work towards being a better person, being a better Christian, and being more of the kind of man/woman the person we want wants.  But don’t stress.  
God’s got this taken care of.  
The story has already been written.


  1. Raquel. You have done it again. Given me much to think about and at the same time given me chills. How do you even think of these posts? They are so deep and real, I admire it. I love how your feet are placed on the ground. <3

    1. Aww thanks for this encouraging comment, girl <3